Stuff and Things... Butt Mostly Stuff.

FINALLY!!!..
Someone out there is a genius! This just proves that you don't need to come up with a new form of rocket science to make it rich. I was watching TV the only day when a commercial came on that I took as a Mad TV skit. This couldn't be a real product, could it? Then I did some in-depth (not really) research on the topic and found out that yes! it indeed was an actual product that you could purchase. Its called Anti- Monkey Butt Powder. For those who are not familiar with the Monkey Butt, it is referred to as to red, chapped rear end resulting from being seated and sweaty for far too long. It can also be used in reference to the phenomenon of going to the bathroom too many times with less than high quality toilet paper.(Ouch) An obvious relative of SWASS, Monkey Butt has affected too many people for far, far too long. There is an end in sight for sufferers of Monkey Butt. While I'm pretty sure its just glorified Gold-Bond or other talcum powder, its still a glorious marketing idea. And whoever came up with the slogan has my respect for the willingness to put such a sexual explicit undertone on the front of a product. It sounds like something Creepy-D Skeet might be interested in.
If anyone is interested, you can purchase it here.

Moving along.
With all the draft talk on this blog centering around the hometown team, I would like to take a minute to focus on the happenings outside of the Twin Cities. It was announced last night that the Pacers and Raptors had
come to terms on a deal that would send Pacers forward Jermaine O'Neal to the Raptors for TJ Ford, RASHO, and the 17th overall selection in tonight's NBA Draft. I had heard about this trade rumor for a couple days now, but I was really hoping that Toronto wouldn't give in. From the sounds of things, there is alot of interest in TJ in numerous trades. It's apparent to everyone too that he needs to go in one form or another. Ford was lost his starting spot and 2+ months of playing time to a flagrant foul by Atlanta Hawks Forward Al Horford last year. Little known Jose Calderon took his spot and never looked back. When Ford was eligible to come back, he was open with his frustration of riding the bench. Some deals had him going to Phoenix in a deal involving Boris Diaw, while others had him going to Portland for some players and a pick. It seems, however that the Raptors have decided to take in the oft-injured Jermaine O'Neal and his contract, which stands at 2 years, and 44 Million dollars left. While TJ had to go, this was not the player to get back in return. If he is healthy, O' Neal is one of the better power forwards in the NBA, but the thing is he can NEVER stay healthy. Over the past four seasons, he has missed 122 games, or over 30 per season. So, you are telling me you are going to pay this clown 22 Million dollars to play, on average 51 games per year over the next two. Indiana is probably thrilled at this thievery. Sure, after those two years, that money will come off the books and they will have plenty of money to spend on other free agents or to re-sign stud Chris Bosh, but to me thats too much risk to take on. I have listened to some experts say that they love this trade for Toronto, but only if he can stay healthy. I can agree with them on those terms, but to that, I say "good luck." I have to see it before I can believe that one.

Of the teams in this draft, Miami, along with the Wolves, have drawn the most intrigue about what to do with their picks. Miami is a team, that with one or two players, can jump back into the top of the Eastern Conference picture again. At last check, they still have Dwayne Wade and Shawn Marion on the roster. Couple that with a young superstar at the top of this draft, and things are looking pretty good again in Miami. Many people have speculated that the Heat are decided between Mayo and Beasley with a lean towards Mayo. This would be music to my ears if Beasley falls to the Wolves at #3. While my stance on Mayo has softened considerably since an earlier post when I realized the thing that we needed the most on this squad was some star power, I would much rather have Beasley because he fills an immediate need, which is also a plus. I think its going to be a very active draft all around the league. It should be fun to watch.


A couple baseball topics before I go.

How's the saying go? "There's one in every family." Well, it appears there is one in every league now too. Shawn Chacon, journeyman pitcher, formerly of the Houston Astros was suspended indefinitely yesterday. Chacon has spent years with the Rockies, Yankees, Pirates, and now the Astros. He was suspended after doing his best Latrell Sprewell impression and choking the shit out of his general manager. As much as all of us has wanted to beat up our boss at one point in time, most of us refrain from doing so to save our lively hood and our dignity. Then there is people like Chacon, angry after being demoted to the bullpen, who decide to take matters into their own hands, literally. If you feel the absolute need to choke someone out, find the equipment manager, the ball boy or that guy who shoots the shirts into the stands, don't do it to the guy who makes decisions on whether players stay or go. This is a ticket straight out of the major leagues. Chacon, who was a decent 4th or 5th starter, is now widely considered to be done in the major leagues for good, something that relieves general managers all over the US. Every once and a while, these stories pop up in the news, whether its Latrell or Bobby Knight choking one of his players. It makes me laugh every time because these people don't realize they are committing career suicide. They will always carry that stigma around with them for as long as the play or coach. Thats, if, they ever play or coach again.

Has anyone noticed the Twins are on an 8 game winning streak? Its gone fairly unnoticed as far as I can tell. True, it was against the likes of Washington, Arizona, and San Diego. And sure, it was interleague play, where the Twins always work their National League opponents. And sure, like I told someone the other day, any team can go on a 7-8 game winning streak throughout the season. I mean, hell, the Kansas City Royals are 10-1 in their last 11 games after all. I don't expect this from this Twins team, though, which makes me even more intrigued than I already am. I think this squad has played alot better then people expected them to through this point in the season. They have some rough stretches, characteristic of a young ball club, but if they can keep this up, they might be contending for the division by the end of the season. In a stretch of 5 games this past week, the Twins faced, and beat, 4 pitchers in 5 games that had won one or multiple Cy Young Awards. It doesnt matter what teams you are playing when those are the odds against you. The main reason for their success, I think has been their starting pitching, which has compiled a 7-0 record and a 1.90 Era over the last 8 games. Some of their call ups have even done well. Alexi Casilla has seemed to figure it out, and Brian Busher is hitting .390 at last check.
I think July will say alot about this team. They have series against Texas, the Yankees, the Red Sox, The White Sox, the Indians and 2 series' against the Tigers. This should give us a good idea of where we should expect this team to finish come September.

And for our newest viewer... Hook 'Em Horns!

The Love We Lost... Part Deux

Well, It looks like another Minnesota Star is leaving our sky. (Wow, that was cheesy)

It seems as if a deal for 2 time Cy Young Award Winner, Johan Santana, is now imminent. Multiple reports have surfaced in the last week and a half saying that the Twins and new GM Bill Smith are actively shopping the best pitcher in the game. The Yankees and Red Sox are at the forefront with the Dodgers, Angels, and Mariners said to be very interested as well. The deal now seems to be more not "if", but when at this point.

Boy, that sure happened fast...

Only a few short months ago, the sheer thought of trading Santana was blasphemy to any Twins fan and even the organization. But since then, Baseball's little devil child, known as free agency, has reared its ugly head once again, and now Johan has figured, why not me? Why not give me 150 million dollars? Hell, Barry Zito is mediocre and got 126 mill. And who could blame him? In this market, he is worth that much money.. The key words being "this market." Salaries have been ballooning out of control for years now, and it has finally bit your favorite squad in the ass not once, but twice in the span of a month. Mr. Twin, Torii Hunter was the first to go and now this. I have an idea. Why don't we eliminate all the teams not named Yankees, Red Sox, Angels, Mets, and Cubs, and just let them go at it. Thats basically what Major League Baseball is leaning towards. Boston got our Ortiz, the Angels got our Hunter, and now the Yankees or Red Sox will now probably get our Venezuelan Sensation. If you are a Twins fan, don't ever go out and buy a Twins Jersey of your favorite player or get attached to another player again, because chances are, they wont be here long enough for you to get your use of out it.

Now, I know that last blurb sounded very negative... And lets be honest, it was. But there also are some very nice positives to the apparent Twins overhaul this year. I think Bill Smith has figured out something that Terry Ryan just couldn't come to grasp over the years. The nature of the beast as it stands now is that before you lose these players for absolutely nothing to free agency, trade them before it gets to that point and get some young studs in return. We screwed the pooch on the Torii Hunter situation last season when we could have eased the blow by getting some great talent in return, possibly from the Angels, who signed him this offseason. This Johan deal, whether it turns out to be the Yanks or the Sawwx, will yield a great return of up and comers.

The Yanks are said to be offering a combination of prized right handed pitching prospect Phillip Hughes, Defensive Center Fielder extraordinaire Melky Cabrera, and some other minor league prospects. Hughes is going to be a stud that could anchor our rotation for years, and Cabrera is already a great fielder and has a high ceiling as a hitter. It would be nice if we could somehow finagle another right handed pitcher, Ian Kennedy from them as well, but that doesn't look like its going to happen.
The Red Sox are looking to obtain Santana as well. If they suceed, they might have assembled the best pitching staff ever, especially if they can keep Jon Lester in the process. I don't say that lightly either. I know you can't give someone the World Series in the offseason, but you add the best pitcher in the majors to the best pitching staff in the league, and they are as close to as you are going to get. The main cogs of the Red Sox offer are Jacoby Ellsbury and Lester, with the Red Sox currently only willing to include one of the two. The other bits that were offered include Coco Crisp and a bunch of supposedly good minor leaguers that no one has really heard of. Ellsbury is a stud. I don't think there is any doubt about that. He's got speed and gap power and in the MetroDome, thats a great thing. He reminds me of Grady Sizemore. Maybe even as dreamy.. Jon Lester scares me a bit. Even with as good a prospect as he might be, the whole cancer thing last year makes me wonder about possible health risks. I admit, that might seem insensitive, considering the ordeal that he went through last year, but I think that its a valid concern when you are thinking about the future of a franchise.

IF it were up to me, I go for the Yankees offer. Although Ellsbury would be nice, the Yankees are giving you the Center fielder that you need and the elite prospect that you need to get back in return for Johan.





After the Twins trade Santana, the last person to go will be Joe Nathan, and thats perfectly fine by me. That will make this process complete. For those of you that think that the cupboard is bare after this offseason, you are mistaken. Our pitching staff is somewhat in flux, but could be very good in about two years. With Fransico Liriano coming back, added to Hughes, Baker, Slowey, and hopefully a slimmed down Boof, this is a rotation I willing to run with. With Neshek moving into the Closer's role, our bullpen might be a little thin, but thats always seemed to be a strength for the Twins. We have actually upgraded the lineup to include possible Star Delmon Young, Cabrera, and Craig Monroe to go with a decent lineup already. There are some question marks with this team, but before anyone jumps off a bridge,(ok, wrong choice of words) they hopefully will take a step back and look at the big picture. These young players, along with the money saved, could help give us some hope for the future. This is something that Twins fans are desperately yearning for after a very curious offseason so far.

I think we deserve that much.

What to do?.... What to do??

I think that's what a lot of us Minnesota Twins fans are wondering as the season nears its midway point. With Cleveland showing no signs of slowing down and the Tigers having the most talent in the Central, it doesn't look any brighter for the Twins as they cling to a .500 record that still sees them 6 1/2 games behind the division leader.
Now, I know what you will say. Its the same thing everybody says around Minnesota. "Well, we have a better record this year then at the same time last year and look what happened??" I get that. But that is a very ignorant statement. If you actually believe that the Tigers and Indians are gonna lay down again and let us walk all over them like we did last year, you are just plain crazy. For one, the Tigers are a year more experienced and they had one of the best free agent signings of this past off season in Gary Sheffield. That just wont happen again. That was a once in a decade comeback. Lets move on.
So, instead of waiting for that miracle comeback, why not be proactive for once??
I know, its a pretty aggressive, earth-shattering concept. Definitely something the Twins are not known for, thats for sure. Why not go out for once and get one of the players that could be had for the right price, maybe even less. Why not get the fans excited again and give them hope for this year, not the next or the next after that.
Make a splash like the Yankees do every year. Sure, it hasn't worked for them recently, but I'd take that lineup against any pitching staff in the league and I'd like my chances.
Twins fans need to come to realization that Torii Hunter is not going to be a Twin next year. Sadly, the way free agency has ballooned out of control, we have as much of a chance of re-signing him as we do of trading for A-Rod. Torii has been the heart and soul of this Twins team since I can remember but shit, if you think about it, if Gil Meche can get 55 Million dollars and Barry Zito can get 126 Million for being average pitchers, the best defensive Centerfielder in the league will command somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 million or more from the likes of the Red Sox or Rangers.

People will say that since we cant re-sign him, we should try and trade him so we don't let him go without getting compensation back in return. I agree with this whole heartedly, but if the Twins are unwilling to do so because they are still in the race, I sympathize.
What would be the alternative, you say? Well, Ive thought long and hard about what we could do. First, I was thinking of trading for Florida's Miguel Cabrera. A young power-hitting superstar third baseman would fit beautifully on this squad. One problem, Cabrera would be so much harder to re-sign than Torii would be. It would be the same problem we would have had if we would have traded for Alfonso Soriano last year. No matter how much I drool over the possibilities, it's just not feasible.
Secondly, I thought, why not not trade Torii and scrap this year completely. Wait until next year with a healthy Francisco Liriano, and more mature lineup, and a healthy **gulp** Joe Mauer. We could use the money we save from Torii's contract to try and sign Johan to a longer term deal so we don't lose him too. Then I thought, no, we are too good to just give up on this year so soon. Ya know, with a good tweak here and there, we could be good enough to win the whole damn thing....

Then, it came to me. Finally, an idea that fits all around. Carl Crawford.

Tampa Bay isn't going anywhere without pitching. Even a team thats as talented as they are on offense, just isn't going to be competitive if they cant get anyone out, especially in the AL East. They need pitching. We have pitching. We need speed and power. They have speed and power in the form of one guy. Crawford is young and still getting better. And the best thing is.... He's affordable, if not downright cheap for a player of his quality. He already signed a deal with the Devil Rays for the next two years with club options for two more years. Crawford is a bargain at $4 million this season and $5.25 million next season. His contract also includes an $8.25 million club option for 2009 and a $10 million option for '10. If we do indeed lose Torii for nothing in free agency, the blow will be much easier to absorb with our future stud in the outfield. He has the speed to play center if need be, but as of right now is a left fielder. He could immediately take over for a once again vastly underachieving Jason Kubel. We could use him for situational hitting like he should be anyways. Sure, we might have to give up quite a bit to get him, but its worth it. We could package either a combination of one of the three pitchers that will rotate between the majors and AAA this year in Kevin Slowey, Matt Garza, and Scott Baker. Might seem pricey, but this can be one of the cornerstones of our franchise for years to come.
If you disagree, just take a minute to imagine our lineup with Crawford in it...
Castillo and Crawford at the 1 and 2 spots, getting on base and causing havoc on the base paths with their speed and aggressiveness. Mauer, Cuddyer, Morneau, and Torii waiting to drive them in. And the piranhas at the end of the order to start the madness all over again. That is music to my ears.
So, I implore our favorite squad, please don't drop the ball yet again. Don't let another very attainable talent get away and into the hands of one of your rivals.
Stop waiting for these pitchers to hit their stride, and trade them while you still can get something for them. Don't try and develop EVERYBODY from within... Go out and get Crawford and lets Win this damn thing.