It Was a Nice Ride While It Lasted

Rumors of the Patriots demise weren't greatly exaggerated. Or so it seems to this guy anyways. I know that people shouldn't take too much out of one week in the long NFL season. This is not just one week. This will be the entire season.

Some thought that this juggernaut would just run on unleaded rather than the premium it did under Mr. Jissele. People thought Matt Cassel would be able to handle the reigns because he had been the backup for 3 years and, by god, he better have the offense pretty well down pat. Those people failed to see that there was an outstanding, young, hungry Miami Dolphin team coming to town to take down the Belicheck's. Nothing says "on the cusp of greatness" like 0-2 this year fresh off a 1-15 season a year ago. Okay, that "young, outstanding, and hungry" part was a gross exaggeration. The Dolphins are a brutally bad football team, but you could never tell it from the lambasting that they gave the Patriots this past Sunday, making it look easy in a 38-13 road domination. What? How did that happen? Even bad/mediocre teams drill the Dolphins from week to week. Hell, perennial doormat Arizona over matched them just last week, cruising to a 31-7 victory. The Patriots will kill the Miami Dolphins and won't even break a sweat doing it. They hadn't lost a regular season game since 2006, against the Dolphins.(total coincidence) And NOBODY wins in Foxboro!

These things didn't mean shit this weekend and the Patriots were officially exposed. Exposed as old, slow, and unable to adjust. They were even out-coached, which seems like blasphemy to people who have seen "Hey, who's the Dirtball in the Sweatshirt?" coach before. Now, I know that these players haven't seen the option since college, but almost everyone should have seen that form of offense by now. The Dolphins did this throughout the game, and the Patriots simply failed to adjust whatsoever at any point in the game, getting embarrassed in the process. You just let a guy score 5 touchdowns on you, mostly lining up at Quarterback where he proceeded to throw a touchdown pass left handed. You just got pummeled by a team who's best player is playing with a freshly reconstructed knee and you got flat outsmarted by one of the Soprano's, errr.. Sparano's. That ship sunk the minute Tom Brady crumbled to the ground in agony. This collection of extremely aging veterans needed to do it this year, if not last year. Now I know that any team with a healthy Tom Brady is a contender but no longer with they be the class of the NFL like we have come to know the Patriots as. Mark my words, until they get younger, we have seen the end of a dynasty. No more straight Class, homey



So, who will take they reigns from the Patriots. It could just be America's Team. Dallas is scary good. This week, the Cowboys toyed with the Green Bay Packers en route to starting 3-0 on the young season. I say "toyed" because Terrell Owens had a whopping 17 yards receiving and their second best receiver, Patrick Crayton was shut out completely and they still found a way to win by 11 points in Lambeau. Something called Miles Austin picked up the slack by hauling in 2 passes for 117 yards and a touchdown.

In the past, many people have had their issues with how the owner of the Cowboys, Jerry Jones, runs his teams, engaging in almost everything and being a constant presence on the sidelines, but you have to take your hate off to the man. He has assembled an amazing squad. If you look up and down the roster, the 'Boys have possible all-pros at every position, both offensively and defensively. Everybody knows about Me-O, Romo, Witten, and Roy Williams, but what people might not realize is just how incredibly well Dallas has drafted over the past 4-5 years. Its staggering. Getting Demarcus Ware, Marcus Spears, and Marion Barber in the same year in 2005. Getting Felix Jones and, who some say was the best DB in the draft this past year, Michael Jenkins from South Florida. They are just stock piling players at every position. Its not only been via the draft either, as Free Agency has played a great role in the revival of this team. Even though they drafted Michael Jenkins, they still felt the need to go out and get strip club aficionado, Pacman Jones to shore up an already strong secondary consisting of Anthony Henry and Terrance Newman. The rich get richer, I guess. This is an embarrassment of riches. Its a shame that none of this talent means squat until they get to the playoffs and actually win a game. They could go 16-0 and people would still not care if they get knocked out early like they have done every playoffs since 1996.

I think this is the year. They are just too good and I can only see them getting better when the newcomers get more accustomed to the system. I'm officially on the bandwagon, as I'm always a sucker for great offenses.




Speaking of great offenses... Anyone not notice the transformation that Denver has made this year? They have seemingly come out of nowhere to become one of the 1 or 2 most explosive offenses in the NFL this year. It's that offense thats has them at 3-0 so far this season, albeit with the help of a painstakingly bad gaff by Ed Holculi in the San Diego game. They have all the right pieces in place, excluding only maybe a stud running back. But when you have that great of a passing game, you can run the ball just from the respect they other team has to afford to the aerial attack. They have averaged the most points in the entire league through 3 games and although they are probably near the bottom in points allowed, they do just enough to scrape by for the win.

This is just another glaring example of how the NFL draft is so flawed and basically a crap shoot. Jay Cutler is quickly becoming the best quarterback from the 2006 draft class which included much more highly touted Vince Young and Matt Leinart. How the Vikings didn't trade up with St. Louis (with Scott Linehan!) to get this guy which would have filled to most glaring need on the ball club, I will never know. Instead they, like the 31 other teams, watched as Denver made the trade to get Cutler and proceeded to rebuild an entire offense in just the first three picks of the 2006 Draft. After Cutler, the Broncos next two picks that year were their current tight end Tony Scheffler and a guy who has become probably the second best receiver in the league, Brandon Marshall... in the 4th Round. (Talk about good drafts!) While the unpredictability of the NFL draft can drive fans crazy, it also gives us examples of what one good, calculated draft can do for a franchise. And while Denver won't do much in the playoffs(and they WILL get there) because of their awful defense, the early returns are....Impressive. Hats off to the Orange Crush.

Remember This Guy?

Anybody? Anybody?

Anybody remember this Vince Young? The confident, if not sometimes cocky, Vince Young? The Vince Young who won a national championship with his whole team(shit, the entire state of Texas) on his back? The Vince Young who almost singlehandedly beat probably one of the two or three best teams ever in college football for the 2006 National Championship?

Okay, I'll stop. You probably get the point by now.

It seems like that Vince Young has gone missing(bad pun). Literally, actually. A shell of his former self, Young took a turn for the worst this past week. In the midst of yet another sub-par performance in his team's first regular season game of the 2008 season, Young was hit viscously at the knees. He lay, grimacing in pain with what would be known later as a sprained MCL. Knowing from experience, not a fun injury to deal with. Young will be out the next 2-4 weeks to recover, which is disheartening, because as bad as Vince has been, the Titans now have to rely of Kerry Collins for a month. This wouldn't be such a bad thing, but you have to realize that Kerry Collins does not have the luxury of playing the Vikings every week of the season. What we didnt know at the time, and since has surfaced, is that before getting injured on that play, Young almost refused to go into the game after being booed by the home fans after another ill-advised interception. What? This guy is gonna pull a Scottie "No Tippin" Pippen on us? This is same guy who was one of the most competitive college players I have ever seen. How quickly things can change. I didn't see this one coming.

This story still keeps gaining momentum it seems, because in the past few days, another juicy morsel has been reported. It appears people became worried for Vince's safety the other night after he apparently had a meeting with a team appointed psychologist. After the talk, Young got into his Mercedes and sped off and was gone for a couple hours. Now, this doesn't seem that weird to most people. Hell, I agree that sometimes you just need to get the fuck out of dodge to clear your head. His family, however, seemed overly concerned and called the police, who in turn put out an APB for Young. When he was finally reached, he claimed to just be kickin it at a buddy's house, eating some chicken wings. This whole thing just reeks of some one who is just not into it, with the "It" in question being playing football in the NFL.

Earlier this year, Young said in an interview that he had contemplated retirement after this season, causing alot of red flags to raise. When a rich, young man who is the starting quarterback for an NFL franchise and a legend in College Football history talks about retiring after only two seasons in the league, it doesn't all add up. What is not to like about this career? I can see not liking the fame or the pressure. That's about it though. You make a shit ton(yes, I said shit ton) of money playing football, and while your performance is nit-picked by just about everyone, when it breaks down to it, no ones life is really affected if you dont perform up to par. It's not THAT hard of a job, comparatively speaking. But something else could be going on here. Something more scary then just not wanting to play football in the NFL. There could be some major depression starting to rear it's ugly head here, and that is something that everyone is hoping is not the case. As a fan, who is starting to get concerned for this guy, I hope it was just a big misunderstanding.

From the football standpoint, if this situation doesn't get resolved, Young could go down in history as being one of the worst draft picks in history. So far in his NFL career, he hasn't proven enough to completely disagree with that. He can hardly throw. He makes bad decisions. And so far, his amazing athletic ability has yet to overcome those two big disadvantages for a quarterback. And you say that the Vikings have had some bad drafts? Have they ever drafted a player with all the "tools" you could want, who turns out not to be very good at playing football?... Wait, Troy Williamson. Bad example. Okay, have they ever drafted someone who didn't come close to living up to his "potential"? Wait.. Derek Alexander. Damn, strike two. Alright, well... have they ever drafted anyone who turned out to be missing a few light bulbs upstairs?? Ha!... oh wait, Demitrius Underwood. I give up.




I miss that Vince Young from the Rose Bowl. I miss tuning in every week to see what spectacular thing he will do next. I miss seeing that will to win so strong it's appealing even watching it on TV. I hope we get to see that Vince sometime soon. Playing football. Where he belongs.

Neubie's First Half Nuggets

As the second half is set to begin tonight, there are some interesting storylines to keep an eye on in the upcoming months leading up to the playoffs. Some have been beat to death already: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays coming out party and their pursuit of their first playoff spot in franchise history, Josh Hamilton becoming the player that everyone thought he could be,(Only a few years later than expected) and the Cubs having the best shot to finally win the World Series and end the stupidity that is the Curse of the Billy Goat. Along with the storylines for the second half, there were somethings that happened in the first half that I feel need elaboration. With all the things that you hear about on ESPN, things that don't involve the Yankees, Red Sox, or Brett Farve usually get little or no air time. But there are some more than intriguing things that have flown under the radar. Here are a just a few:

The Best Trade of the Last Ten Years...
In the off-season, the Cincinnati Reds and Texas Rangers agreed to swap a raw, super talented kid pitcher for another super talented outfielder with a more than checkered past. Not many people made anything out of it at the time, but looking back, it may have been one of the best trades in recent memory; one that worked out amazingly for both teams. I'm talking about the Edison Volquez for Josh Hamilton swap. When I first saw this trade, I kind of shook my head. I decided that the Rangers have officially given up on having an semblance of a functioning starting rotation. They always field one of the best offenses in the game, and they are very exciting to watch because they score a ton of runs, but they never have to pitching to come close to contending. Having the story of Josh Hamilton beaten into me over the past All-Star weekend, I have kind of soured on the whole thing. Nonetheless the story is amazing. What this guy has done is awe-striking. Have only had a handful of at-bats, ever, in a minor league uniform and to be doing these kinds of things in the pros. For once, the scouts who touted him saying that he would be one of the best in the game someday, based on the skills of a high school kid, weren't wrong. In half a season, Hamilton is leading the league in RBI with 95 and is on pace for over 170 for the year. The show that he put on at the Home Run Derby was something that even brought me to my feet sitting at home in front of the TV. I can't imagine what the fans inside Yankee Stadium felt like. As for that raw, young talented pitcher that was sent the way of the Reds? He has only been one of the best pitchers in baseball for the first half of this year. Compiling a 12-3 record with a sub 2.50 era. In his first 13 starts, he hadn't given up more than 2 earned runs. So for he has been an aberration. A pitcher that does well in Cincinnati's Great American BallPark, the very definition of a hitter's park. It's not supposed to happen. He is making that possible.

Trades aren't supposed to work this well for both teams. I know, thats the premise of a trade, for it to work amazingly for both teams, but they rarely do. Usually one team gets a proven commodity and the other gets some random prospects that no one has ever heard of that you wont see in the big leagues for the next three years. This is the epitome of a fantastic trade and other teams should take note. This will be interesting to see if both these players can keep up their torrid starts. These are two of the brightest young stars in the game today and I'm personally rooting for both of them to keep amazing us as they have thus far.

Speaking of bright young stars. Tim Lincecum certainly doesn't look like a baseball player. He looks more like the guy you goofed around with in band practice during high school. I can imagine there is plenty of band members that stand 5 foot 11 and weigh 170 pounds. But I can venture to guess there aren't many who throw 99 miles an hour and have a breaking ball that buckles knees. Not many people are like Tim Lincecum. He may be one of a kind, actually. Little guys like this aren't supposed to do the things that he does. He's a truly scientific marvel. Sports Illustrated recently published an article on Lincecum breaking down and explaining the reasons why he could do such things with such a diminutive figure. They explained that it's his windup and his delivery that generates all his power. They described it as his body generating such energy and torque that, basically, his arm just comes along for the ride. This greatly reduces his propensity to injury and will, in turn, make sure we see this Marvel for years to come. The article kept making comparisons between Lincecum and Mark Prior, the oft-injured former future star of the Chicago Cubs, now with the San Diego Padres. Mark Prior was the picture-esqe prospect. Big, strong, strapping young lad with an arsenal of pitches. The Twins were even thinking the same thing when they were deciding between whether to select Prior and Joe Mauer with the 1st pick in the 2001 Amateur Draft. Maybe the Twins saw something that the rest of us did not. The article pointed out that there was obvious mechanical flaws with Priors delivery that everyone seemed to ignore, as they were clearly blinded by his somewhat more obvious frame and stature.

The ultimate quandary.. How does the 5 foot nothing outlast and outshine a 6'5" ideal pitching prospect? Another amazing storyline, although most have never heard of this flamethrower. That might be because of the fact that he plays for one of the worst teams in baseball, the San Fransisco Giants. But anyone who bothers to look at his stats so far this season won't be able to look past him anymore. So far he has an 11-2 record, a 2.57 Earned Run Average, and 135 strikeouts in a 127 innings. Thats 11-2 on one of the two or three worst teams in Major League Baseball! Impressive. Even more impressive than his stats is actually watching him pitch. It's something that I suggest everyone see for themselves. I can tell you, you won't be disappointed.

Lastly, something closer to home.




The Twins are surprising a lot of people with the way they have been playing so far this season. What I hope people aren't forgetting about is that we have a not-so-secret weapon waiting in Triple-A. Fransisco Liriano is officially back. After undergoing Tommy John Surgery over a year and a half ago, people were wondering is what they saw in 2006 was a thing of the past. That the glimpse of greatness and dominance was just a flash of light that faded away. From the sounds of things, that isn't how its going to go. From multiple reports I've come across, Liriano is back to form, maybe even more so then before. One report had him hitting 99 Mph on the radar gun, higher than I ever remember him throwing before. This can only be music to Twins' fans ears. Another problem that he had when he came back from his surgery was his command. That apparently is no more, either. Over his last 21 innings, he has only walked 3 batters, while striking out 24, and over the entire minor league season, spanning 16 starts, he has walked only 28 batters in 97 innings. Fransisco is back to his old self and one can't help but smile at that. In 2006, baseball fans saw greatness and if you are a fan of baseball whatsoever, you have to be rooting for this young man to succeed. The question now is when will we see him in a Twins uniform? The Twins current staff has been pitching very well over the past couple months, with the exception being Livan Hernandez. There doesn't seem to be a spot for Liriano in the current rotation and from what I've read, the Twins seem content with leaving Livan in there, despite his 5+ ERA and leading the league in hits allowed. Apparently there have also been talks about moving him to the bullpen as a late reliever/set up man for Joe Nathan. I couldn't care less how you get him up here, but get him up here. At first I would recommend putting him in the bullpen to get him re-accustomed to major league hitters. If he still has the talent I like to think he does, he will find his way into the rotation sooner than later. He's young and there's no rush. I want to see this kid dominate like we know he can, and if that means waiting a while before throwing him to the wolves, I'm all for it.

Over the past year, I have seen my love for baseball return. These young stars are part of the reason why. With all the steriod talk clouding over the game in recent years, the future still looks brighter than ever. How can that be? These are the reasons why. This is why I still tune in, night after night to seemingly meaningless games in the heart of July. To see things that amaze me. That is why I will keep tuning in.

Stuff and Things... Butt Mostly Stuff.

FINALLY!!!..
Someone out there is a genius! This just proves that you don't need to come up with a new form of rocket science to make it rich. I was watching TV the only day when a commercial came on that I took as a Mad TV skit. This couldn't be a real product, could it? Then I did some in-depth (not really) research on the topic and found out that yes! it indeed was an actual product that you could purchase. Its called Anti- Monkey Butt Powder. For those who are not familiar with the Monkey Butt, it is referred to as to red, chapped rear end resulting from being seated and sweaty for far too long. It can also be used in reference to the phenomenon of going to the bathroom too many times with less than high quality toilet paper.(Ouch) An obvious relative of SWASS, Monkey Butt has affected too many people for far, far too long. There is an end in sight for sufferers of Monkey Butt. While I'm pretty sure its just glorified Gold-Bond or other talcum powder, its still a glorious marketing idea. And whoever came up with the slogan has my respect for the willingness to put such a sexual explicit undertone on the front of a product. It sounds like something Creepy-D Skeet might be interested in.
If anyone is interested, you can purchase it here.

Moving along.
With all the draft talk on this blog centering around the hometown team, I would like to take a minute to focus on the happenings outside of the Twin Cities. It was announced last night that the Pacers and Raptors had
come to terms on a deal that would send Pacers forward Jermaine O'Neal to the Raptors for TJ Ford, RASHO, and the 17th overall selection in tonight's NBA Draft. I had heard about this trade rumor for a couple days now, but I was really hoping that Toronto wouldn't give in. From the sounds of things, there is alot of interest in TJ in numerous trades. It's apparent to everyone too that he needs to go in one form or another. Ford was lost his starting spot and 2+ months of playing time to a flagrant foul by Atlanta Hawks Forward Al Horford last year. Little known Jose Calderon took his spot and never looked back. When Ford was eligible to come back, he was open with his frustration of riding the bench. Some deals had him going to Phoenix in a deal involving Boris Diaw, while others had him going to Portland for some players and a pick. It seems, however that the Raptors have decided to take in the oft-injured Jermaine O'Neal and his contract, which stands at 2 years, and 44 Million dollars left. While TJ had to go, this was not the player to get back in return. If he is healthy, O' Neal is one of the better power forwards in the NBA, but the thing is he can NEVER stay healthy. Over the past four seasons, he has missed 122 games, or over 30 per season. So, you are telling me you are going to pay this clown 22 Million dollars to play, on average 51 games per year over the next two. Indiana is probably thrilled at this thievery. Sure, after those two years, that money will come off the books and they will have plenty of money to spend on other free agents or to re-sign stud Chris Bosh, but to me thats too much risk to take on. I have listened to some experts say that they love this trade for Toronto, but only if he can stay healthy. I can agree with them on those terms, but to that, I say "good luck." I have to see it before I can believe that one.

Of the teams in this draft, Miami, along with the Wolves, have drawn the most intrigue about what to do with their picks. Miami is a team, that with one or two players, can jump back into the top of the Eastern Conference picture again. At last check, they still have Dwayne Wade and Shawn Marion on the roster. Couple that with a young superstar at the top of this draft, and things are looking pretty good again in Miami. Many people have speculated that the Heat are decided between Mayo and Beasley with a lean towards Mayo. This would be music to my ears if Beasley falls to the Wolves at #3. While my stance on Mayo has softened considerably since an earlier post when I realized the thing that we needed the most on this squad was some star power, I would much rather have Beasley because he fills an immediate need, which is also a plus. I think its going to be a very active draft all around the league. It should be fun to watch.


A couple baseball topics before I go.

How's the saying go? "There's one in every family." Well, it appears there is one in every league now too. Shawn Chacon, journeyman pitcher, formerly of the Houston Astros was suspended indefinitely yesterday. Chacon has spent years with the Rockies, Yankees, Pirates, and now the Astros. He was suspended after doing his best Latrell Sprewell impression and choking the shit out of his general manager. As much as all of us has wanted to beat up our boss at one point in time, most of us refrain from doing so to save our lively hood and our dignity. Then there is people like Chacon, angry after being demoted to the bullpen, who decide to take matters into their own hands, literally. If you feel the absolute need to choke someone out, find the equipment manager, the ball boy or that guy who shoots the shirts into the stands, don't do it to the guy who makes decisions on whether players stay or go. This is a ticket straight out of the major leagues. Chacon, who was a decent 4th or 5th starter, is now widely considered to be done in the major leagues for good, something that relieves general managers all over the US. Every once and a while, these stories pop up in the news, whether its Latrell or Bobby Knight choking one of his players. It makes me laugh every time because these people don't realize they are committing career suicide. They will always carry that stigma around with them for as long as the play or coach. Thats, if, they ever play or coach again.

Has anyone noticed the Twins are on an 8 game winning streak? Its gone fairly unnoticed as far as I can tell. True, it was against the likes of Washington, Arizona, and San Diego. And sure, it was interleague play, where the Twins always work their National League opponents. And sure, like I told someone the other day, any team can go on a 7-8 game winning streak throughout the season. I mean, hell, the Kansas City Royals are 10-1 in their last 11 games after all. I don't expect this from this Twins team, though, which makes me even more intrigued than I already am. I think this squad has played alot better then people expected them to through this point in the season. They have some rough stretches, characteristic of a young ball club, but if they can keep this up, they might be contending for the division by the end of the season. In a stretch of 5 games this past week, the Twins faced, and beat, 4 pitchers in 5 games that had won one or multiple Cy Young Awards. It doesnt matter what teams you are playing when those are the odds against you. The main reason for their success, I think has been their starting pitching, which has compiled a 7-0 record and a 1.90 Era over the last 8 games. Some of their call ups have even done well. Alexi Casilla has seemed to figure it out, and Brian Busher is hitting .390 at last check.
I think July will say alot about this team. They have series against Texas, the Yankees, the Red Sox, The White Sox, the Indians and 2 series' against the Tigers. This should give us a good idea of where we should expect this team to finish come September.

And for our newest viewer... Hook 'Em Horns!

Milton Bradley.... Still Bl#%pin Crazy!

Oh, Milton..

Texas Rangers Outfielder/Journeyman Milton Bradley is having by far his best season as a pro. It comes as no surprise that that season is happening in Arlington, where the Rangers routinely field a fantastic offense. Coming into today, he leads the American League in Batting Average at .333, while also leading it in On Base Percentage and Slugging Percentage. He is killing the ball. I probably shouldn't say "killing" too loud around Milton, though, because it appears he may have been trying to do that Kansas City TV broadcast announcer Ryan Lefebvre last night during an 11-5 Rangers win in Kansas City. Lefebvre, a former Twins and Gophers broadcaster, is a regular guest on the PA and Dubay Show on KFAN AM 1130, to talk baseball. Here is the story:

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP) — Milton Bradley stormed out of the Texas Rangers clubhouse after an 11-5 victory Wednesday night over Kansas City and bounded up four flights of stairs looking for Royals television announcer Ryan Lefebvre.

Bradley, who was the designated hitter, heard what he considered derogative remarks made by Lefebvre on a TV in the Rangers clubhouse.

General manager Jon Daniels and manager Ron Washington were close behind and intercepted Bradley before he reached Lefebvre.

Bradley never reached Lefebvre, although he was within about 20 feet of him in the TV booth before being led back down to the clubhouse.

Upon returning to the clubhouse, Bradley screamed at teammates and broke down in tears.

"I'm tired of people bringing me down," Bradley said. "It wears on you. I love you guys, all you guys. I'm strong, but I'm not that strong. All I want to do is play baseball and make a better life for my kid than I had."

Several of Bradley's teammates consoled him after he calmed down.

Lefebvre, who is the son of former major league manager Jim Lefebvre, said he met with Daniels and Washington about his on-the-air comments, but did not talk to Bradley. Lefebvre said the comments were intended to praise Josh Hamilton, who missed nearly four years of professional baseball with cocaine and alcohol additions, rather than tear down Bradley.

"It was a conversation about how Josh Hamilton has turned his life around and has been accountable for his mistakes," Lefebvre told The Associated Press. "Right now, it seems like the baseball world and fans are rooting for him. ... It doesn't seem like Milton Bradley has done the same thing in his life."

The oft-injured Bradley has a history of losing his temper.

No shit?! To say that Milton has character issues would be like saying Darryl Strawberry liked to occasionally do cocaine. Or saying that Charles Barkley occasionally gambles. Or like saying that Shawn Kemp occasionally has unprotected sex.


One has to wonder what's going on inside Milton's mind. He is so incredibly talented on the field when he can control it and stay healthy. But that has always been a problem. With his baseball ability alone, he would be a perennial all star for years, if he could only settle down. He's an implosion waiting to happen. Milton just needs to work on getting out of Milton's way, and maybe some of those things that can happen, actually will.


On that note, I have to go. I have to lock my door and hide in the corner with a 9 Iron. Just in case Milton happens to see this, I wanna be prepared.

The Celtics Are Who We Thought They Were

The NBA finals are two games in and so far its been as one sided as it can get. Put aside the 4th quarter comeback in Game 2, because that game was a complete blowout until then. If anything, that comeback was good for the Celtics, a strong reminder that they can't get complacent when the get a lead against this Lakers team. Tonight Game 3 shifts to Los Angeles where the Lakers will no doubt play better than they did in Boston, because in my mind, they can't play a whole lot worse. The Lakers will win one, maybe two at home and the Celtics will finish this series off in 5 or 6 games. I've had the pleasure of watching the first two games in entirety and I have taken a couple things from doing so.

When the season started, everyone picked the Celtics to win the title after they got Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen via trade. During the regular season, the Celtics did nothing but enforce people's thinking, with the Celts compiling a 66-16 regular season record. They had the biggest one year turnaround in NBA history. And everyone was drooling over this team.

Then the NBA playoffs began. The Celtics first match-up seemed harmless enough, the Atlanta Hawks. Harmless enough to look past that is. The Celtics played brilliantly at home, and brutally bad on the road. The Hawks brought the Celtics to the brink, to which Boston responded with a 34 point blowout in Game 7. This is when everybody started to question the Celtics. Were they tough enough? Was this the team that we thought they were? Was this team built for the playoffs, or just a fantastic regular season? After 3 losses...

Second round brought more of the same. Three great games at home. Three horrible games on the road. And the doubts grew louder. For me, the only game that got me worried was Game 6 in Cleveland in which the Celts only scored 69 points and failed to score more than 20 points in any quarter. Despite Boston coming back in Game 7 for the series win behind Paul Pierce's 41 point masterful performance. But by then, most people outside of Boston were off the bandwagon. Most analysts I heard predicted the Pistons would beat the Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals. I think this doubt may have crept into the Celtics mind and instead created a new motivation; to prove people wrong. The KG's showed marked improvement and even won two road games along the way in advancing to the NBA Finals for the 1st time since 1987. But still, people weren't drinking the kool-aid.

This time, they may have had good reasoning, the Celtics opponent, the Los Angeles Lakers had breezed through the Western Conference playoffs, including a 4-1 whoopin' of the usually formidable San Antonio Spurs. They had the newly named MVP of the league in Kobe Bryant. All but about two people I saw picked the Lakers to win, some in 5 games, some in 6 games. Were these people watching the same team I was watching all year long?? The best defensive team in the league. The team with the best FG% against defense. The team with 3 future hall of famers. The team with the best home record in the NBA. The team with the best road record in the NBA. The team that had beat the Lakers twice during the regular season, albeit without Pau Gasol. I guess they weren't. The first two games in Boston were defined by brutal bad defense by the Lakers and brutally good defense by the Celtics. Boston held the best player in the NBA, Kobe Bryant, to around 40 % shooting, after limiting him to 33% shooting during the regular season. Pau Gasol has been greatly outplayed by Kevin Garnett. Gasol looks as soft as freshly baked bread. Lamar Odom, having his best overall season of his career, looks completely lost. Boston has out-hustled, out-rebounded, and out-worked this Lakers squad. After the last game, the Zen-Master, Phil Jackson, complained that Leon Powe, a little used reserve who went off in Game 2 for 21 points, went to the free throw line more than his entire team did. There's a simple reason. The more aggressive team ALWAYS gets the calls. Its that way in every form of basketball at every level. Anyone who watches this series can see that, so far, his team is settling for jump shots and getting beat to every loose ball.

Things may change a great deal tonight in Game 3 in Los Angeles. I will not be surprised if the Lakers win this game. The crowd will be going crazy and its enough to help them win one. But they just can't win this series after the performance they showed in the first two games of the series. They wont be able to beat the Celtics 4 out of 5, of which two of those games are in Boston. I'm not just saying this because as many know, we have a rooting interest in seeing Kev win his first title. And I'm not saying this because the Lakers are a bad team, because they aren't by any stretch of the imagination. The Lakers are probably the best passing team that I have seen in the NBA since I have been old enough to understand these kinds of things. But you can't get past a team that, right now, refuses to lose. You can't get past Paul Pierce's will to win. And you can't get past KG's heart. All that, plus a 2-0 lead, adds up to a parade down the middle of downtown Boston in about a week and a half.

A Fallen Coach, An Amazing Triumph...

In sports, there are stories that emerge from the doldrums of everyday box scores and headlines that capture our attention, make us feel good, and even make us tear up. Some of the best incorporate a mix of sports coupled with everyday life. Some tell tales of defeat or triumph. Some of motivation or heartache. Some of love or belief in something greater than yourself. But the best stories combine all of these. These stories come along every once and a while. Most get lost in the constant barrage of negative stories plastered all over the daily news. But not all.

I was watching Sportscenter two days ago (there's a shocker) and I came across the story of the Summerville Varsity Basketball team in Charleston, South Carolina. Now, usually when ESPN shows these kind of stories, it means that its a really slow sports day and they have to fill the show with something. I, personally, think they should give more air time to things like this, because the people who put them together do a magnificent job. For a good ten minutes, I sat in silence, captivated by this tale. I can only remember thinking, "I hope they show this again and again so that more people get to see this." This was ESPN's best story since the autistic basketball player/manager, Jason McElwain who came off the bench, for the first time, to reign down 6 threes in 2 minutes on Senior Night. If you didn't get a chance to see it the other night here it is: ESPN story.

The story details the life of Summerville assistant coach name Louis Mulkey. As a coach for the basketball and football teams for many years, Mulkey was able to see most of the kids grow up in front of his eyes. The children turned young men had grown to love the Coach. When Mulkey wasn't changing lives on the field or the court, he was saving them off of it as a firefighter for the city of Charleston. One day he was called to a blazing fire. The fire got out of control, or a flashover according to firefighters, and Mulkey was trapped inside. When a flashover occurs, you generally have 2 seconds to get out. Mulkey needed more. His last words were words that still echo in the minds of the people who knew him best. "Car 1!.. Tell my wife... I Love you." That was it. He was gone, leaving behind a wife of only 1 year and 1 day, fellow firefighters, and a group of young student athletes that he helped mold into young men. After an incredibly tough summer, marked by alot of mending of hearts, it was time for basketball season once again. The amazing thing about the human spirit is that when things are at their hardest and in times of tragedy, we become stronger than ever and come together to help each other. This team was no different. A coach's promise from the time they were 8th graders rang loud and clear in their heads... "By the time you are seniors, I promise, you will win the state championship!"

Bonded by that common goal they had the school's best season in years, amassing a 23-5 record. In the sectional semifinals, after the Summerville Green Wave had blown a big lead early, and had fallen behind late, it seemed like their goal would not be realized. This is the point where they would ask their old coach for advice on how to handle this adversity. But instead of Mulkey, the crowd was there to provide the boost. Seemingly if on cue, the crowd started in with ruckus chants of "Lou-IS Mul-Key!, Lou-IS Mul-Key!" From there on out, there was no stopping this team. They stormed back and won going away. It was on to State. After making it through the state tournament, they found themselves in the State Final, something their coach had prophetically predicted years ago.



This is where the story really gets good. The Class AAAA State Championship was against Spartenburg. For most of the game, Summerville was in the proverbial meat grinder, trading baskets in a game that seemed destined to go down to the buzzer. The Green wave had fought their way to the lead late in the game and had a chance with 1.7 seconds left to ice the 2 point lead with a 1-1 opportunity at the free throw line. The first free throw was missed, however, but no one was really that concerned, as Spartenburg had to get the length of the court in 1.7 seconds. A small guard for Spartenburg got the rebound, took one dribble, and heaved the ball from the opposite free throw line. As he took the shot, the loud buzzer sounded in the background. The shot rattled around the rim and dropped. Wow. Summerville had lost. An amazing ending by all accounts, it left many on the Green Wave standing speechless, mouths agape and tears streaming down their eyes, realizing that all their hard work towards the ultimate goal had still come up short. I can imagine thoughts ran through their minds about letting their fallen coach down by not reaching their collective dreams.
From one moment of defeat and despair, the referees created a different moment. As the head referee, moved his arms back and forth in front of him, signaling that the basket had come after the buzzer and was being waved off, the mood turned from tragedy to triumph and jubilation. In reviewing the tape, there was no real way to tell if the shot was actually after the buzzer or before, but that didn't matter. The team was Summerville had come full circle and overcome a great ordeal to become champions. It was clear to everyone who witnessed the miracle, that Coach Mulkey was in the gym that day, watching over his team.


This may have sounded like a some cheesy Disney movie story, but this isn't a movie, its real life. This story proves how one person can mean so much to so many. It also proves that a coach can make such a profound difference in the players that he coaches.. Coaches are not unlike teachers in that sense. Molding young minds not with a major in Sociology or Chemistry, but maybe with a major in Life with a minor in Athletics.

I really hope that everyone enjoys this as much as I have.

Notes from the Foreskin, Vol.3

Man, the resemblance is uncanny..

The Bears make me laugh. Every day, it seems, some other example of questionable decision making within the franchise comes to fruition. Just like 30 is the new 20, the Bears are the new Vikings. Going all the way back to the Lance Briggs situation, this has been a pretty comical series of events. Let's see, in the past three weeks, Brian Urlacher is threatening to sit out mini camps and part of the season if he doesn't get a better contract. Cedric Benson decided to add some resisting arrest to his drunken boating on Lake Travis in Texas. They failed to address the quarterback position in the draft, indicating once more, to everyone's astonishment, that they are committed to Rex Grossman. That's a laundry list of troubles that only the Vikings and Bengals are capable of duplicating. But wait, we're not done.. The best is yet to come. In their refusal to pay studs like Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher, who have earned their just due, they have chosen to make their kicker, Robbie Gould, the highest paid kicker in NFL history, edging out Adam Vinatari of the Indianapolis Colts. Hmmm let's see, kicking immortality who has made 3 Super Bowl winning kicks and countless other playoff boots that, along with some clever camera placement, helped the New England Patriots win 3 out of 4 Super Bowls.. Or a 3rd year kicker who hasn't proven anything. As a Vikings fan, this makes me smile. Since appearing in the Super Bowl just two short years ago, the Bears have succeeded in becoming one of the worst teams in the NFL. Sure, they will win a few games this year, (5 by Neubiedamus' count) but that's only because their pissed off, underpaid (relatively) defense is good for 2 games and Devon Hester is will win the other 3 for them. This team was the 3rd worst rushing team in the league last year and their top running back is now in serious danger of being cut. The hits just keep on coming. But at least they have their kicker locked up long term... Move over Detriot. Chicago is here to take the "Worst and most idiotic franchise in the NFL title" from ya. You held the reigns long enough.





In another shocker of a news story, the NCAA is investigating whether or not O.J. Mayo took gifts, in the form of cash and vehicles, while in high school and in college at USC. If you could actually here my tone of voice you might sense just a wee bit of sarcasm directed at that last statement. The story goes like this. Some sleazeball talked a poor, super talented black kid into accepting all this money to verbally agree to a contract with a sports marketing agency when he chooses to go to the NBA. Sound familiar?? Does Reggie Bush ring a bell? Same idea. Same school even. I think the moral of the story is. If you want money, no matter the consequence, go to USC. It seems like their athletic department is either too blind to see what the rest of us understand as commonplace, or they are just being enablers to the situation. Either way, I have a strong inkling that the NCAA is gonna come down hard on USC to make an example. Can you smell that? That's the can of worms just being cracked open. Just what America needs, another OJ causing a ruckus in Southern California. (I know its a really bad joke, but it was coming at me like an 83 mph fastball down the heart of the plate)

As for OJ Mayo, I don't think I've wanted a soon to be professional athlete fail more than I do this guy. Since I first heard the story of him walking into USC coach Tim Floyd's office and recruiting himself to the school, I have wished for his demise. It only got worse on hearing about and seeing the tape of him throwing an alley-oop to himself towards the end of a 40 point State Championship Game blowout and then getting ejected from his final game for chucking the ball into the stands. This might even be tolerable, if not excusable, but then he walked around the court, hands held high, basking in the cascading cheers of the crowd like some Roman Gladiator just having defeated a wildebeest. Only this is a high school kid, and it just proves what kind of cocky, attention hogging idiot this guy really is. The sad thing is, he has sick basketball talent and that will land him in a high spot in the upcoming NBA draft and probably some endorsement deals with Sunny D and Hellman's.


A note to PETA: As much as you would like Horses to speak, feel, talk and act like humans, they are not humans. Mr. Ed was just a TV show.

As you have probably heard about by now, two weeks ago at the Kentucky Derby, the second place finisher, 8 Belles, broke both ankles in a post race trot and had to be euthanized on the spot. When word got around about the happenings, PETA got on the horn and started spewing blame at everyone. The jockey was to be fined and fired. The trainer was to be held responsible. The entire horse racing industry is immoral. Please.
This was a fluke accident that could have happened to any horse at any time in any place. In our society, we are so quick to want to assign blame for everything, because that's what makes news and that's what people seem to want. Its like if a kid holding a baseball bat in the batter's box gets struck by lightning, and people want to blame the coach, the parents, and the baseball bat company for not making a more lightning-friendly bat for the kid to hold. This is sickening and PETA needs to go away. These horses get treated better than a majority of human beings do and they need to stop taking one incident and extrapolating it for the entire horse racing and training industry. Just stick to dealing with some lady who has 400 cats in her 1 bedroom apartment or Michael Vick's ignant ass, and leave the rest of us alone.

On a side tangent, horse racing in general sucks and the only people who care about it are the 80 or so people that actually raise horses. And no, the millions of people who bet on the Kentucky Derby and other horse races don't count. Just don't inform my current employer that I just said that.



Lastly, I came across a story earlier that made me do a double take. Clay Buchholz, a young pitcher for the Boston Red Sox, who just got lit up by our favorite club only a few days ago, was put on the Disabled List with a broken fingernail. Yep, I said it. A broken fingernail. Now, I've heard of some really comical injuries over the years in major league baseball, like pitchers having tired arms or Sammy Sosa throwing out his back during a sneeze, but this is absolutely unbelievable. Words couldn't describe the laugh that came out of my mouth after seeing this roll across the ESPN Bottom Line. What's next? A Yankees pitcher goes down for 6 weeks with an allergic reaction to a tampon? Or maybe, the oft-injured Rich Harden's next injury could be cornea strain caused by make up run-off. I don't know what the next one will be for sure, but I just don't want anyone to tell Joe Mauer about this story, because then he might conjure up a reason to sit out night games after night games, instead of just day games after night games, like usual.

Notes from the Foreskin, Vol. 2

It was a bad week and a half for Carmelo Anthony.

First, he gets pulled over on suspicion of DUI two days before the playoffs start with his team clinging to their respective playoff lives. Then his team goes out and lays a complete egg against the Lakers, getting swept 4-0 in the first round of the Western Conference Playoffs, during which time, 'Melo accused his team of quitting during the fourth quarter of a Game 3 bludgeoning. As the "leader" of that team, he simply can't do that. He can curse at his teammates behind closed doors, and call them quitters all he wants in that format, but he cannot go public with those feelings. That is extremely unfair to his teammates because it now paints everyone on that team as "QUITTERS" in everyone's eyes around the league. Already many of his fellow teammates have come out in their own defense. People always want to compare Carmelo to his fellow draft mates in Dwade, Lebron, and even Chris Bosh, but he will never be in the same league as a player like Lebron or Dwayne Wade because he fails to do the things that leaders need to do. Lead by example, come up big, don't break the law, and don't under any circumstances, call out your teammates in the public.

*On a separate side note that I thought was worth noting, somehow we made it through this whole series without an expose` or even some off color jokes about Kobe Bryant having to stay in a hotel in Denver for two nights without getting into any trouble.. I was SO looking forward to that one. ESPN & TNT, you let me down..

While we are on the subject of bad days...or for that matter, bad years...

The hits just keep coming for Roger Clemens. Amid all the hoopla that arose over the last 6 months about him using all sorts of performance enhancing drugs throughout his career, you can now add an affair and possibly statutory rape to the list. You have to hand it to this guy, when he goes down, he really goes down hard. A report surfaced that Clemens had a decade long affair with country music star, Mindy McCready, which allegedly started when McCready was the ripe old age of 15. Clemens would have been 28 at the time. Now, I have always understood older men's attraction to "younger" women, but this is pretty messed up. How can you, at Roger Clemens' level, put yourself out on a limb like that? Facing the possibility of jail time if anyone had found out back then. (And make no mistake, they would have made an example out of him, had they found out) Now, since Roger couldn't follow the popular fad of actually admitting his mistakes and decided to file a defamation of character lawsuit, the skeletons in that closet are a walkin', me boy.. He not only has to worry about his place in baseball history and whether or not, even with astounding numbers, he will make the hall of fame, he will also now have to seriously worry about a perjury charge or two. We have never seen a fall from grace like this before that I am aware of. Maybe Mike Tyson comes to mind, but he's quickly pushed aside because hes just bleepin' crazy. This story has some teeth and there's a lot more to come. So stay tuned. If you were wondering, here's what McCready has to offer at the moment. At a boy, Rog..




In yet another bad week story....
The Washington Wizards are officially the dumbest team in professional sports.
They have talent; alot of it. But what they do have in talent, they are equally as idiotic and immature as I've seen in a collection of players in a long, long time. Pick your Wizard, and I'm sure they have suffered from foot in mouth syndrome at some point either before or during this playoff series with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Gilbert Arenas said the Cavaliers couldn't possibly beat them three straight years in the playoffs and that they were hoping to face them in the 1st round. Deshawn Stevenson called Lebron overrated, and continues to talk shit and dish out flagrant fouls. Brendan Haywood can't shut up either, recently mocking King James in a whiny, pouty, child's tone of voice. And what did they get for their troubles? A 3-1 deficit in a series marked by extreme inconsistency that saw them lose by 36 one game and win by 30 + the very next. That reeks of immaturity. I have an idea.. Don't wake a sleeping giant! Lebron is scary good normally. You give him a chip on his shoulder and now you really have problems. Deshawn Stevenson, along with his 38% shooting, and the rest of the Wizards need to shut their mouths, take their whoopin', and go quietly into the night. Just like the last two years.

I have diarrhea of the mind right now. I'm spewing with talkers, so I must go on.

Larry Brown just got another coaching job. I'm lost for words. I'm flabbergasted. How do teams keep hiring this clown? Owners in the NBA must not like money. Here's the MO with Larry Brown: Sign a four year deal worth roughly 10 million dollars. Coach two years. Get sick/tired/bored. Get a buyout and the remaining $5 Million dollars for doing nothing. That's not an exaggeration. That's just how it is. He doesn't play young players and rookies, which Charlotte always has a lot of. It's sad, because I feel this is the last attempt by Charlotte Bobcats minority owner, Michael Jordan, to prove that he is a good NBA executive. I really hate to say it, but Mike got taken on this one.

Just one more, I promise..




This was kind of a late addition to the column tonight. I just watched the Spurs finish off the Suns in 5 games in their first round series. My disdain for the Spurs has reached a new level. They have now officially supplanted the Utah Jazz of the mid to late 90's in terms of my pure hatred for them. They are good. It's really hard to admit, but I will give them that. But what I can't stand to watch is the amount of bad calls that go their way. Down the stretch tonight, in an extremely close game, the referees called not one, but two phantom tripping calls. One involved the Big Gerbil, Tim Duncan blatantly tripping himself to get a foul called, and Mr. Eva Longoria driving the lane and falling down on his own accord, much to the sch grin of Amare Stoudamire, on whom the foul was called. This team never fails me. Every year something different arises that ratchets up my level of hate for this team. Its amazing. Whether its Tim Duncan hitting a random three to send Game One into overtime, which of course Phoenix lost, or whether its consistently making me watch games ending 82-81. I was a big New Orleans Hornets fan before, but with the Spurs now taking on the Hornets in the second round, I will be rooting for them like I've never rooted for anyone else before. Tonight, I am going to try to conjure up dreams of Tyson Chandler catching a trademark alley-opp lob from Chris Paul, and dunking on Tim Duncan's ass. Okay, not really... But please don't let me down New Orleans. Then I will have to turn my rooting interest to the Lakers, and that's just adding insult to injury.



This just in... Tim Duncan likes dudes.

I'm out.

Things that Don't Suck... Volume 1

Its that time again. With all the talk(and rightfully so) about the NCAA Tournament and all the excitement and intriguing story lines it brings us every year, one might not realize that the NBA playoffs are on the horizon. Now, usually this would bring a yawn to most of you, and it would usually have the same effect on me as well. Usually, no matter how much we all don't want it to happen, San Antonio meets some boring overmatched Eastern Conference team in the Finals and we all know how that ends up. This year, however is much different. I haven't been this excited to watch the NBA playoffs since Number 23 was breaking Byron Russell's ankles in Salt Lake. In case you have lived under a rock these last couple months, you have probably heard that the Western Conference is the most competitive it has ever been. How the Top 8 seeds can be so good and separated by 6 games this late in the season is something to behold. Seeds routinely change every day, preventing us from really knowing who's playing who in the first round up until probably the last day of the season. The East is better too, but other than the top three teams, Boston, Detriot, and Cleveland, it will be irrelevant once the playoffs start. Since its impossible to know match ups yet, I felt that I would just take time breaking down some of the goings on in the West. All the excitement really started after the All Star Break, when a bevy of monster trades happened. First it was Pau Gasol going to the Lakers, then Shaq to the Suns, and finally Jason Kidd to the Mavericks. Usually you see one big trade every year around that time, but not three and especially not three with such big implications. After that, the Yao-Less Rockets went on an unbelievable 22 game winning streak to vault from out of the playoffs to the #1 seed. And now, with about three weeks left before the playoffs begin, the unlikely of unlikely has happened as now the New Orleans Hornets, fresh off a five game winning streak which included the likes of Houston, Boston, and on the road at Cleveland and an improving Indiana Pacer team, sit atop the West Standings. If anyone says they called that one when the season began, they lie worse than Pete Rose does.

The New Orleans Hornets
The feel good story of the NBA. A team that seemingly went from homeless to one of the most exciting teams in the NBA overnight. It all started when Chris Paul fell into their laps with the fourth pick in the 2005 draft. There were two "can't miss" point guards in that draft, Deron Williams and Chris Paul. How BOTH of these two got pass Point Guard-less Atlanta at the Number 2 pick boggles my mind. I guess that's why the Hawks are the Hawks. They are getting better now, but think of a combination of Chris Paul, Joe Johnson, and Josh Smith.. Eek.
But alas, the Hornets got a gift handed to them, and haven't looked back since. Building around Paul, and combining David West with new arrivals Tyson Chandler and a fresh off back surgery Peja Stojakovic, they created a young nucleus that has blossomed into one of the more exciting teams in the league. The can beat you any way you like it: Fast breaking, drive and kick, or pick and roll. Not a lot of people remember that David West was the AP player of the year at Xavier in 2003. How he fell to the 18th pick in that years draft is yet another mystery. I think it was a case of NBA teams being on a Euro Craze and not noticing that hey, there are still good players left in this country. West took a couple years to become the player he is now, but like everyone else on this team, is coming of age at the right time. I get the pleasure of seeing these Hornets at the Target Center in a couple weeks, so I will get to see in person what I think that I already know... This team is for real and any team sleeping on them will be met with an early exit.


Golden State Warriors /Denver Nuggets

I chose to group these two teams together because they are essentially the same team. They both have sometimes amazing offenses, capable of running you off the court. They both, however, have atrocious defenses, which usually spells disaster for teams in the playoffs. The Warriors have been one of my favorite teams since last year when they made their run at the end of the regular season and into the Western playoffs. Anyone who reads this blog on a regular basis knows thats no secret. But what has changed this year is that they are better than last years team. The roster has changed that much, if at all(minus the failed Chris Webber experiment) but what has changed is that they are a year older and a year better. Last year, Monta Ellis barely had a place in the playoff rotation. This year, there's times that he literally doesn't seem to miss, and his place on the team is no longer in question. Baron Davis has been the healthiest he has ever been in his career in being one of the most valuable players in the league. Everyone on this team can shoot, excluding Andris Beidrens, who doesn't need to. They come at you with numerous three point bombs and they throw athlete after athlete at you. That can be a scary combination when used the right way. This coupled with the fact that they have the best homecourt advantage in the league. Not the best record, but the best advantage. If you have seen that place, you know its the loudest arena in the league. If I can make that conclusion from watching a game on TV, how do you think it feels to be an opponent there?

The Nuggets have more of a collection of superstar players, but its the same story. When they are on, they are really on. I don't know if enough was made of them scoring 168 points a couple weeks back against the Sonics. This wasn't some crazy triple overtime game. It was a regular 4 quarter tilt. They scored 48 points in the first quarter! That's more than about 85% of the league averages in a half. They can score from many different ways also. Any team with Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson better be able to score. They can hit the three too, which can be a great equalizer. Their major drawback, however, is their wretched defense. In that same game against the Sonics, they gave up 116 points. To the Sonics! They had a stretch in which they gave up 135 points to the offensively-inept Chicago Bulls and 136 to the slow-it-down, half court Detroit Pistons. They may get to the playoffs, but because they just can't stop anybody ever, they will be an early exit.

Utah Jazz

This isn't your older brother's Utah Jazz. This team is actually fun to watch at times. This coming from a guy who grew up loathing the site of the Jazz and Jerry Sloan. This team doesn't have boring John Stockton leading the way. Instead, they have Deron Williams, who's quickly becoming one of the best points in the league. Boring Karl Malone is replaced with Carlos Boozer, who, say what you will about him, has become a pretty damn good player. You throw in role players, Ronnie Brewer, Mhemet Okur, Andrei Kirilenko, and sharp shooter Kyle Korver, and they are going to be a tough out, especially at home where they hold one of the league's best records.


The Rest

I figure you probably know mostly about the Other Western Conference contenders. The Suns are still really good, and that Shaq-Fu thing seems to be working out alot better than most people thought it would. The Mavericks might not even make the playoffs now without Galloping German, Dirk Nowitzki, who is out for the next couple weeks with a nasty ankle/knee injury. The Lakers can beat anybody if they would just stay healthy for an extended period of time. Oh yeah, and they have that Kobe guy, which is always nice too. It was a nice run for Houston, and we're happy for 'em, but they aren't going anywhere. And the Spurs are the Spurs and nobody cares.

I'm really glad that TNT has wall to wall coverage of this season's playoffs because I will be tuning in for as much as I can take. And while the NCAA tournament will give us plenty to talk about over the next couple weeks, don't forget about the millionaires. With all these great teams and possibly great scenarios, the NBA could have it's own "one shining moment" before its all said and done. Lord knows they have needed one.

So you think your job is pretty sweet, do ya??

It may just be. But, by no means, is it the best job out there.

When I was growing up, I idolized many different people. Michael Jordan, Tupac Shakur, Hugh Hefner, even Deion Sanders. I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I could be like them, I could win at this game called life. I could accomplish anything. The sky was the limit for this guy.

Sadly, I had it all wrong. I was grossly mistaken every time I drove the basket with my tongue wagging like MJ and everytime I had my football gloves unbuckled like "Neon Deion" hoping to intercept an arrant pass and high step it into the promised land. The entire time I should have spent my hours and hours of practice trying to be a 6'10" white guy who wears goofy ass knee high socks. Instead of dreaming of playing college ball in Chapel Hill or Tallahassee, I should have been aiming at undergrad in Utah. I should have been aspiring to be Keith Van Horn. I know this now, because as we have just learned, he is officially "The Man."

Today, it became official(FINALLY!), and the New Jersey Nets and Dallas Mavericks completed the long rumored deal that basically sent Jason Kidd to Dallas for Dallas' entire bench, two first round picks, 3 million dollars, and the aforementioned Keith Van Horn. Now you may be saying to yourself, how can Dallas trade Keith Van Horn? Didn't he retire or die or something?? Isn't he tending to some sheep somewhere? You would be like me if you did. Here's where the good part comes in. Since Van Horn hasn't officially filed his retirement papers with the league, and since he is still under contract with an NBA team, he can still be including in trades such as these. Was this savvy on the part of Van Horn? Maybe. Wouldn't surprise me. The guy is the Man after all. Either way, it pretty much breaks down to be that Van Horn will get 4.3 Million dollars to get off his couch, travel to New Jersey to take a physical, and then probably travel back home. Even if he stays with the team, he will only have to bear that great hardship for a month, and then he can proceed to laugh his way to the bank, after a buyout from New Jersey. 4.3 Million dollars for a month's worth of what? Not work. Not even play. Just to be. To be Keith Van Horn.

So like I said earlier, Keith Van Horn is my idol. He has the best job in the history of jobs. Sure, the guy who paints the silicon paint on those swimsuit models bodies has it pretty damn good. But not as good as this guy. This is whats wrong with the NBA though. Bloated, guaranteed contracts to players who suck ass or, in this case, players who haven't played in a couple years. If you don't believe me, look at some of the contracts on the books for this year....

Michael Finley-6th man/Three Point Specialist/25 minutes a night- $21 Million per year
Chris Webber- half season pickup/25 minute a night bit player- $19.5 Million per year
Steve Francis- Oft injured/ Might Retire/ Whiny bitch- $16.4 Million per

And these are just a few. Those don't even include Allen Houston,(20.7 million) Brian Grant,(17.3 Million) and Jalen Rose (16.5 Million) who were getting paid up until last year despite not playing for a couple years or just sitting their asses on the bench in high priced suits. Allen Houston was making 20.7 million dollars a year from the Knicks while being an analyst on ESPN... Sad.

I'm sure Shawn Kemp is still getting his 19 mill a year from the Portland Trail Blazers. Which is good for his sake with all those damn ill-legitimate kids running around. And I'm cool with that too, because someone keeps paying for my schooling, and I think it's Shawn Kemp.



So what now for Van Horn? Will he actually suit up for a game or two? I would kinda like to see him get bitched again by Marcus Camby, like he is in this picture. But then again, New Jersey is clearly building for the future and no where in that thought process is Keith Van Horn even mentioned. He will probably go back to what he was doing before, but this time with a lot more money.

I think the real question that presents itself to me now is.. What steps do I take from here? Is there a Keith Van Horn major? Do I have to do an internship helping Keith tend sheep? I gotta get on that shit. I have to figure out how to live by the mantra, WWKVHD?

This Kid Looks Hungry

Seriously, someone get Corey Brewer a sandwich. I haven't been watching many Timberwolves' games this season, with good reason, but I tuned in recently. It blew my damn mind when I took a closer look at Mr. Brewer. This guy looks like a recovering crackhead. I mean no disrespect, as I'm sure he's a very nice fella, but he's 6'9" and 185 pounds. Someone that size should be about about 220-230. He makes a certain "Bez" look like a steroid-poppin' meathead.

Anyways, that random thought was not why I chose to come out of hiding and post.

It was Rick Pitino that said it best.. "All the negativity in this town sucks."
I think in some weird way, he was talking about the Twin-Cities. This has been a record year for suckage in Minnesota. We just had a nice little capper the other day with the worst trade I've ever seen... Ever. I'm referring to the Johan Santana trade of course. Anyone who tries to spin this in the Twins favor is completely nuts. The best pitcher in Major League Baseball for a bunch of "B" players and 3rd or 4th starters is the kind of stuff that should make a Twins' fan so god-damn angry. The hits just keep on coming for Minnesota sports fans. But I ask, when will it end? This negative trend needs to stop. It's making it really hard to be a fan. I think it was more just talk the last time I said this, but with every passing day it gets more and more real. I'm seriously going to start looking for other teams to root for if this keeps up. Some prospects could be the New Orleans Hornets, Golden State Warriors, Colorado Rockies, or maybe the Philadelphia Phillies. I will defect to the highest bidder.





In the ounce of positivity that I have left for the Minnesota clubs, I look to whats happening down at 600 First Avenue. It looks like we have actually have a player in Al Jefferson. I used to think that his nickname, "Big Al" was a bit premature, with him having proved nothing yet. Now, he's starting to live up to it by playing Big and holding his own against the League's best big men. Amare Stoudamire got "his" against the Wolves, (and trust me, he got plenty) but Jefferson got even more and had, arguably, the most dominant game in Wolves history with a 41 point, 19 Rebound explosion which went a long way in helping the Wolves beat Phoenix for the second time in three games. Then he proceeded to make Ben Wallace and some fool named Noah look like his charlie biatchs in back to backs against the Chicago Bulls the last couple days, while totaling 46 points and 32 rebounds in the two games. I was among the many who were very skeptical about Al (We got a good vibe) when he came via the Garnett trade this summer, but he's starting to make me a believer over the past couple weeks. Along with being the reigning Western Conference Player of the Week, he should also be representing the Timberwolves in the All-Star Game. He wont even sniff the game though because he currently ranks behind the likes of Luis Scola of the Rockets, Shane Battier, again of the Rockets, and Mehmet Okur from the Utah Jazz at the Forward and Center positions. Man, I sure am glad they let Asia vote for the NBA All-Stars... That's working out swimmingly. That said though, I think hes on the right path, and maybe it wont happen for a couple years but I think he will get his due if he keeps this tear up. If he wants to fast track that recognition, he could maybe think about working on a face up game and 17-18 foot jumpers. He would be pretty scary if he mastered one, or both of those. Keep this up, big fella, and I promise we will trade you to someone who actually wants you to play for their team. Your time will come. That's a certainty.

The Wolves still suck something awful, but I'm doing my best to cling to the shred of light that still exists with them. I do have one request though... Please start losing again! You were doing such a good job of it earlier in the year, but now are being lapped in ineptitude by the Miamis and Seattles of the world. Keep this up and you watch, you'll end up getting screwed by the NBA again in the draft.(circa 1992)

In closing, you know that things have gotten bad in Minnesota sports when the people at "Some People's Kids" turn our collective back's on your ass. We are about as homer as it gets.