Stuff and Things... Butt Mostly Stuff.

FINALLY!!!..
Someone out there is a genius! This just proves that you don't need to come up with a new form of rocket science to make it rich. I was watching TV the only day when a commercial came on that I took as a Mad TV skit. This couldn't be a real product, could it? Then I did some in-depth (not really) research on the topic and found out that yes! it indeed was an actual product that you could purchase. Its called Anti- Monkey Butt Powder. For those who are not familiar with the Monkey Butt, it is referred to as to red, chapped rear end resulting from being seated and sweaty for far too long. It can also be used in reference to the phenomenon of going to the bathroom too many times with less than high quality toilet paper.(Ouch) An obvious relative of SWASS, Monkey Butt has affected too many people for far, far too long. There is an end in sight for sufferers of Monkey Butt. While I'm pretty sure its just glorified Gold-Bond or other talcum powder, its still a glorious marketing idea. And whoever came up with the slogan has my respect for the willingness to put such a sexual explicit undertone on the front of a product. It sounds like something Creepy-D Skeet might be interested in.
If anyone is interested, you can purchase it here.

Moving along.
With all the draft talk on this blog centering around the hometown team, I would like to take a minute to focus on the happenings outside of the Twin Cities. It was announced last night that the Pacers and Raptors had
come to terms on a deal that would send Pacers forward Jermaine O'Neal to the Raptors for TJ Ford, RASHO, and the 17th overall selection in tonight's NBA Draft. I had heard about this trade rumor for a couple days now, but I was really hoping that Toronto wouldn't give in. From the sounds of things, there is alot of interest in TJ in numerous trades. It's apparent to everyone too that he needs to go in one form or another. Ford was lost his starting spot and 2+ months of playing time to a flagrant foul by Atlanta Hawks Forward Al Horford last year. Little known Jose Calderon took his spot and never looked back. When Ford was eligible to come back, he was open with his frustration of riding the bench. Some deals had him going to Phoenix in a deal involving Boris Diaw, while others had him going to Portland for some players and a pick. It seems, however that the Raptors have decided to take in the oft-injured Jermaine O'Neal and his contract, which stands at 2 years, and 44 Million dollars left. While TJ had to go, this was not the player to get back in return. If he is healthy, O' Neal is one of the better power forwards in the NBA, but the thing is he can NEVER stay healthy. Over the past four seasons, he has missed 122 games, or over 30 per season. So, you are telling me you are going to pay this clown 22 Million dollars to play, on average 51 games per year over the next two. Indiana is probably thrilled at this thievery. Sure, after those two years, that money will come off the books and they will have plenty of money to spend on other free agents or to re-sign stud Chris Bosh, but to me thats too much risk to take on. I have listened to some experts say that they love this trade for Toronto, but only if he can stay healthy. I can agree with them on those terms, but to that, I say "good luck." I have to see it before I can believe that one.

Of the teams in this draft, Miami, along with the Wolves, have drawn the most intrigue about what to do with their picks. Miami is a team, that with one or two players, can jump back into the top of the Eastern Conference picture again. At last check, they still have Dwayne Wade and Shawn Marion on the roster. Couple that with a young superstar at the top of this draft, and things are looking pretty good again in Miami. Many people have speculated that the Heat are decided between Mayo and Beasley with a lean towards Mayo. This would be music to my ears if Beasley falls to the Wolves at #3. While my stance on Mayo has softened considerably since an earlier post when I realized the thing that we needed the most on this squad was some star power, I would much rather have Beasley because he fills an immediate need, which is also a plus. I think its going to be a very active draft all around the league. It should be fun to watch.


A couple baseball topics before I go.

How's the saying go? "There's one in every family." Well, it appears there is one in every league now too. Shawn Chacon, journeyman pitcher, formerly of the Houston Astros was suspended indefinitely yesterday. Chacon has spent years with the Rockies, Yankees, Pirates, and now the Astros. He was suspended after doing his best Latrell Sprewell impression and choking the shit out of his general manager. As much as all of us has wanted to beat up our boss at one point in time, most of us refrain from doing so to save our lively hood and our dignity. Then there is people like Chacon, angry after being demoted to the bullpen, who decide to take matters into their own hands, literally. If you feel the absolute need to choke someone out, find the equipment manager, the ball boy or that guy who shoots the shirts into the stands, don't do it to the guy who makes decisions on whether players stay or go. This is a ticket straight out of the major leagues. Chacon, who was a decent 4th or 5th starter, is now widely considered to be done in the major leagues for good, something that relieves general managers all over the US. Every once and a while, these stories pop up in the news, whether its Latrell or Bobby Knight choking one of his players. It makes me laugh every time because these people don't realize they are committing career suicide. They will always carry that stigma around with them for as long as the play or coach. Thats, if, they ever play or coach again.

Has anyone noticed the Twins are on an 8 game winning streak? Its gone fairly unnoticed as far as I can tell. True, it was against the likes of Washington, Arizona, and San Diego. And sure, it was interleague play, where the Twins always work their National League opponents. And sure, like I told someone the other day, any team can go on a 7-8 game winning streak throughout the season. I mean, hell, the Kansas City Royals are 10-1 in their last 11 games after all. I don't expect this from this Twins team, though, which makes me even more intrigued than I already am. I think this squad has played alot better then people expected them to through this point in the season. They have some rough stretches, characteristic of a young ball club, but if they can keep this up, they might be contending for the division by the end of the season. In a stretch of 5 games this past week, the Twins faced, and beat, 4 pitchers in 5 games that had won one or multiple Cy Young Awards. It doesnt matter what teams you are playing when those are the odds against you. The main reason for their success, I think has been their starting pitching, which has compiled a 7-0 record and a 1.90 Era over the last 8 games. Some of their call ups have even done well. Alexi Casilla has seemed to figure it out, and Brian Busher is hitting .390 at last check.
I think July will say alot about this team. They have series against Texas, the Yankees, the Red Sox, The White Sox, the Indians and 2 series' against the Tigers. This should give us a good idea of where we should expect this team to finish come September.

And for our newest viewer... Hook 'Em Horns!

Milton Bradley.... Still Bl#%pin Crazy!

Oh, Milton..

Texas Rangers Outfielder/Journeyman Milton Bradley is having by far his best season as a pro. It comes as no surprise that that season is happening in Arlington, where the Rangers routinely field a fantastic offense. Coming into today, he leads the American League in Batting Average at .333, while also leading it in On Base Percentage and Slugging Percentage. He is killing the ball. I probably shouldn't say "killing" too loud around Milton, though, because it appears he may have been trying to do that Kansas City TV broadcast announcer Ryan Lefebvre last night during an 11-5 Rangers win in Kansas City. Lefebvre, a former Twins and Gophers broadcaster, is a regular guest on the PA and Dubay Show on KFAN AM 1130, to talk baseball. Here is the story:

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP) — Milton Bradley stormed out of the Texas Rangers clubhouse after an 11-5 victory Wednesday night over Kansas City and bounded up four flights of stairs looking for Royals television announcer Ryan Lefebvre.

Bradley, who was the designated hitter, heard what he considered derogative remarks made by Lefebvre on a TV in the Rangers clubhouse.

General manager Jon Daniels and manager Ron Washington were close behind and intercepted Bradley before he reached Lefebvre.

Bradley never reached Lefebvre, although he was within about 20 feet of him in the TV booth before being led back down to the clubhouse.

Upon returning to the clubhouse, Bradley screamed at teammates and broke down in tears.

"I'm tired of people bringing me down," Bradley said. "It wears on you. I love you guys, all you guys. I'm strong, but I'm not that strong. All I want to do is play baseball and make a better life for my kid than I had."

Several of Bradley's teammates consoled him after he calmed down.

Lefebvre, who is the son of former major league manager Jim Lefebvre, said he met with Daniels and Washington about his on-the-air comments, but did not talk to Bradley. Lefebvre said the comments were intended to praise Josh Hamilton, who missed nearly four years of professional baseball with cocaine and alcohol additions, rather than tear down Bradley.

"It was a conversation about how Josh Hamilton has turned his life around and has been accountable for his mistakes," Lefebvre told The Associated Press. "Right now, it seems like the baseball world and fans are rooting for him. ... It doesn't seem like Milton Bradley has done the same thing in his life."

The oft-injured Bradley has a history of losing his temper.

No shit?! To say that Milton has character issues would be like saying Darryl Strawberry liked to occasionally do cocaine. Or saying that Charles Barkley occasionally gambles. Or like saying that Shawn Kemp occasionally has unprotected sex.


One has to wonder what's going on inside Milton's mind. He is so incredibly talented on the field when he can control it and stay healthy. But that has always been a problem. With his baseball ability alone, he would be a perennial all star for years, if he could only settle down. He's an implosion waiting to happen. Milton just needs to work on getting out of Milton's way, and maybe some of those things that can happen, actually will.


On that note, I have to go. I have to lock my door and hide in the corner with a 9 Iron. Just in case Milton happens to see this, I wanna be prepared.

The Celtics Are Who We Thought They Were

The NBA finals are two games in and so far its been as one sided as it can get. Put aside the 4th quarter comeback in Game 2, because that game was a complete blowout until then. If anything, that comeback was good for the Celtics, a strong reminder that they can't get complacent when the get a lead against this Lakers team. Tonight Game 3 shifts to Los Angeles where the Lakers will no doubt play better than they did in Boston, because in my mind, they can't play a whole lot worse. The Lakers will win one, maybe two at home and the Celtics will finish this series off in 5 or 6 games. I've had the pleasure of watching the first two games in entirety and I have taken a couple things from doing so.

When the season started, everyone picked the Celtics to win the title after they got Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen via trade. During the regular season, the Celtics did nothing but enforce people's thinking, with the Celts compiling a 66-16 regular season record. They had the biggest one year turnaround in NBA history. And everyone was drooling over this team.

Then the NBA playoffs began. The Celtics first match-up seemed harmless enough, the Atlanta Hawks. Harmless enough to look past that is. The Celtics played brilliantly at home, and brutally bad on the road. The Hawks brought the Celtics to the brink, to which Boston responded with a 34 point blowout in Game 7. This is when everybody started to question the Celtics. Were they tough enough? Was this the team that we thought they were? Was this team built for the playoffs, or just a fantastic regular season? After 3 losses...

Second round brought more of the same. Three great games at home. Three horrible games on the road. And the doubts grew louder. For me, the only game that got me worried was Game 6 in Cleveland in which the Celts only scored 69 points and failed to score more than 20 points in any quarter. Despite Boston coming back in Game 7 for the series win behind Paul Pierce's 41 point masterful performance. But by then, most people outside of Boston were off the bandwagon. Most analysts I heard predicted the Pistons would beat the Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals. I think this doubt may have crept into the Celtics mind and instead created a new motivation; to prove people wrong. The KG's showed marked improvement and even won two road games along the way in advancing to the NBA Finals for the 1st time since 1987. But still, people weren't drinking the kool-aid.

This time, they may have had good reasoning, the Celtics opponent, the Los Angeles Lakers had breezed through the Western Conference playoffs, including a 4-1 whoopin' of the usually formidable San Antonio Spurs. They had the newly named MVP of the league in Kobe Bryant. All but about two people I saw picked the Lakers to win, some in 5 games, some in 6 games. Were these people watching the same team I was watching all year long?? The best defensive team in the league. The team with the best FG% against defense. The team with 3 future hall of famers. The team with the best home record in the NBA. The team with the best road record in the NBA. The team that had beat the Lakers twice during the regular season, albeit without Pau Gasol. I guess they weren't. The first two games in Boston were defined by brutal bad defense by the Lakers and brutally good defense by the Celtics. Boston held the best player in the NBA, Kobe Bryant, to around 40 % shooting, after limiting him to 33% shooting during the regular season. Pau Gasol has been greatly outplayed by Kevin Garnett. Gasol looks as soft as freshly baked bread. Lamar Odom, having his best overall season of his career, looks completely lost. Boston has out-hustled, out-rebounded, and out-worked this Lakers squad. After the last game, the Zen-Master, Phil Jackson, complained that Leon Powe, a little used reserve who went off in Game 2 for 21 points, went to the free throw line more than his entire team did. There's a simple reason. The more aggressive team ALWAYS gets the calls. Its that way in every form of basketball at every level. Anyone who watches this series can see that, so far, his team is settling for jump shots and getting beat to every loose ball.

Things may change a great deal tonight in Game 3 in Los Angeles. I will not be surprised if the Lakers win this game. The crowd will be going crazy and its enough to help them win one. But they just can't win this series after the performance they showed in the first two games of the series. They wont be able to beat the Celtics 4 out of 5, of which two of those games are in Boston. I'm not just saying this because as many know, we have a rooting interest in seeing Kev win his first title. And I'm not saying this because the Lakers are a bad team, because they aren't by any stretch of the imagination. The Lakers are probably the best passing team that I have seen in the NBA since I have been old enough to understand these kinds of things. But you can't get past a team that, right now, refuses to lose. You can't get past Paul Pierce's will to win. And you can't get past KG's heart. All that, plus a 2-0 lead, adds up to a parade down the middle of downtown Boston in about a week and a half.

A Fallen Coach, An Amazing Triumph...

In sports, there are stories that emerge from the doldrums of everyday box scores and headlines that capture our attention, make us feel good, and even make us tear up. Some of the best incorporate a mix of sports coupled with everyday life. Some tell tales of defeat or triumph. Some of motivation or heartache. Some of love or belief in something greater than yourself. But the best stories combine all of these. These stories come along every once and a while. Most get lost in the constant barrage of negative stories plastered all over the daily news. But not all.

I was watching Sportscenter two days ago (there's a shocker) and I came across the story of the Summerville Varsity Basketball team in Charleston, South Carolina. Now, usually when ESPN shows these kind of stories, it means that its a really slow sports day and they have to fill the show with something. I, personally, think they should give more air time to things like this, because the people who put them together do a magnificent job. For a good ten minutes, I sat in silence, captivated by this tale. I can only remember thinking, "I hope they show this again and again so that more people get to see this." This was ESPN's best story since the autistic basketball player/manager, Jason McElwain who came off the bench, for the first time, to reign down 6 threes in 2 minutes on Senior Night. If you didn't get a chance to see it the other night here it is: ESPN story.

The story details the life of Summerville assistant coach name Louis Mulkey. As a coach for the basketball and football teams for many years, Mulkey was able to see most of the kids grow up in front of his eyes. The children turned young men had grown to love the Coach. When Mulkey wasn't changing lives on the field or the court, he was saving them off of it as a firefighter for the city of Charleston. One day he was called to a blazing fire. The fire got out of control, or a flashover according to firefighters, and Mulkey was trapped inside. When a flashover occurs, you generally have 2 seconds to get out. Mulkey needed more. His last words were words that still echo in the minds of the people who knew him best. "Car 1!.. Tell my wife... I Love you." That was it. He was gone, leaving behind a wife of only 1 year and 1 day, fellow firefighters, and a group of young student athletes that he helped mold into young men. After an incredibly tough summer, marked by alot of mending of hearts, it was time for basketball season once again. The amazing thing about the human spirit is that when things are at their hardest and in times of tragedy, we become stronger than ever and come together to help each other. This team was no different. A coach's promise from the time they were 8th graders rang loud and clear in their heads... "By the time you are seniors, I promise, you will win the state championship!"

Bonded by that common goal they had the school's best season in years, amassing a 23-5 record. In the sectional semifinals, after the Summerville Green Wave had blown a big lead early, and had fallen behind late, it seemed like their goal would not be realized. This is the point where they would ask their old coach for advice on how to handle this adversity. But instead of Mulkey, the crowd was there to provide the boost. Seemingly if on cue, the crowd started in with ruckus chants of "Lou-IS Mul-Key!, Lou-IS Mul-Key!" From there on out, there was no stopping this team. They stormed back and won going away. It was on to State. After making it through the state tournament, they found themselves in the State Final, something their coach had prophetically predicted years ago.



This is where the story really gets good. The Class AAAA State Championship was against Spartenburg. For most of the game, Summerville was in the proverbial meat grinder, trading baskets in a game that seemed destined to go down to the buzzer. The Green wave had fought their way to the lead late in the game and had a chance with 1.7 seconds left to ice the 2 point lead with a 1-1 opportunity at the free throw line. The first free throw was missed, however, but no one was really that concerned, as Spartenburg had to get the length of the court in 1.7 seconds. A small guard for Spartenburg got the rebound, took one dribble, and heaved the ball from the opposite free throw line. As he took the shot, the loud buzzer sounded in the background. The shot rattled around the rim and dropped. Wow. Summerville had lost. An amazing ending by all accounts, it left many on the Green Wave standing speechless, mouths agape and tears streaming down their eyes, realizing that all their hard work towards the ultimate goal had still come up short. I can imagine thoughts ran through their minds about letting their fallen coach down by not reaching their collective dreams.
From one moment of defeat and despair, the referees created a different moment. As the head referee, moved his arms back and forth in front of him, signaling that the basket had come after the buzzer and was being waved off, the mood turned from tragedy to triumph and jubilation. In reviewing the tape, there was no real way to tell if the shot was actually after the buzzer or before, but that didn't matter. The team was Summerville had come full circle and overcome a great ordeal to become champions. It was clear to everyone who witnessed the miracle, that Coach Mulkey was in the gym that day, watching over his team.


This may have sounded like a some cheesy Disney movie story, but this isn't a movie, its real life. This story proves how one person can mean so much to so many. It also proves that a coach can make such a profound difference in the players that he coaches.. Coaches are not unlike teachers in that sense. Molding young minds not with a major in Sociology or Chemistry, but maybe with a major in Life with a minor in Athletics.

I really hope that everyone enjoys this as much as I have.