Ladies and Gentlemen.... We've got him

There are certain things that I've been taught throughout my life. Things that have been beaten into my brain over the years by numerous teachers, parents, and the even by the media. Some of these things are the things that I've come to believe. Some of these things have gone in one ear and out the other. Some things Im still waiting to pass judgement on. But one thing that I know for sure is that when, and if, the oppurtunity presents itself, you should be always take the BBD. The Bigger, Better Deal.
A while back, my contract at Random Thoughts through Blogger ran out. My 3 months there were amazing. Those were the times I've only dreamed of. I put my heart and soul into this "project." I've sacrificied numorous things for this "project." I thought I would be working with Random Thoughts for many many wonderful years until I would gracefully ride off into the sunset. Alas, my fine bosses at Random Thoughts didnt feel the same way. They thought that hiring some big shot who actually went to college was better for the company. Who knew?? So alas, my contract was not renewed. I thought the world was truly shitting on me.
After months and months of wallowing in my own sorrows, drowning myself in twinkies and cheap, imitation Wild Turkey and reading self-help books, I came to the realization that things would not get better. That there would not be that bigger better deal that I had always dreamed of.
Then, one rainy afternoon, wedged in between re-runs of Maury and TRL, I recieved a phone call from the fine people at Some People's Kids. Apparently, one of their contributors scours the internet for 8 hours a day and came across a long lost Blog called Neubiedamus. Thought to have been lost forever, this blog caught a certain person's eye (for conversation's sake, we'll just call him "Bez") and he brought his idea before the board of directors. After confirmation that I still exsisted, I recieved said phone call from "Bez." He asked me to contribute the "Some People's Kids" blog. After asking if it was really my uncle Morty, calling to razz me for the amusement of his children once again, I gleefully accepted.
I had found my Bigger Better Deal. The terms of the contract are disclosed but lets just say I've got enough coin for a couple lap dances at Augies.

So this will be my last contribution to the blog formerally known as "Neubiedamus." If you liked this blog, and would like to see more, or even to laugh at how big of an idiot I am, please go to Adam Bezdicek's blog, Some Peoples Kids on the same website. Its been fun to let you into my mind for a while, giving you a glimpse of what happens in here from time to time. But I will be checking in from there now. Until then....

Why I hate Joakim Noah... Vol. 1

I apparently just woke up from a coma and realized that I haven't written a post on here for what seems like a coon's age. I may have never woken up from said coma had I not been watching basketball one Sunday afternoon. After watching superb basketball games all day long, the last image of the day really stuck with me. Plastered all over CBS was an indelible image that, I have a feeling, will appear over and over in my nightmares for long time. After the Florida Gators dispatched of another over matched SEC team to claim yet another tournament title, they showed Joakim Noah, moving in such a way that would scare little children. In what has been described to me later as "The Chicken Dance," young Noah looked to be suffering from seizure like symptoms. It was strongly affirmed to me, in that moment, of my pure hatred of Joakim Noah.
Over the years, there have been certain players that have always rubbed me the wrong way, so to speak. For example, Tim Duncan would be one of these players. Aside from the obvious resemblance to a gerbil, "The Big Fundamental" has the personality of park bench and despite being a very good player, is probably one of the more boring to see play. There have been other players of course, Terrell Owens and everyone on the Utah Jazz teams of the 90's, to name a few. No one else, however, has made me as mad as Mr. Noah. There are a couple glaring reasons for my disdain.

First off, he's NOT GOOD! I've been hearing people all over the country, on various radio and TV shows, claiming he is a first round pick, even a Lottery pick. Are you kidding me?? Have these same people been watching the same player I have for the past two years? He's big... I get that. He blocks some shots and gets some rebounds, and everyones happy and thats great. But anyone that has watched any basketball (EVER) can see that his shot is absolutely aweful. When I see this thing go up, it looks like it could hurt someone. I liken it to a broken heat-seeking missile, weaving this way and that, with only the help of blind luck actually finding its eventual target. Anyone who drafts this idiot is going to have to spend 3 years totally revamping his shot until it somewhat resembles graceful, which may never happen. Hes not even the best player on his team! Al Horford, Cory Brewer, and Torrian Green are all better players and prospects than is Noah. He has been the product of a very good team and thats it.

Secondly, hes ugly. I dont mean that kind of ugly you could look past because "he's really cool." I mean the ugly that you just have to sit back and say, "damn, that fool is ugly." When I see this guy, Miles Tarver comes to mind. Thats how bad it is. You could hide a small country in the poof that resides in the place where his hair is supposed to be. You could drive a semi through the gap in his front teeth. You would think that since your dad is famous and some great musician/ tennis player that no one has heard of, that you might be able to get that thing fixed. When I see a picture of his father though, I realize why this has not happened yet. He's still got to fix the same gap in his teeth before he can get crackin' on Joakim's. Hes so ugly in fact, that during one game last year, he winked at a cheerleader of an opposing team, and got a "Yuck" in return. Thats when you know its bad.

He can't dance. He's a African American who cant dance. How many of those have you come across? If you don't believe me about this, check this out... www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQ3y5hTHuP4.....

It looks like hes trying to hump Bill Raftery next to him. He reminds me of a certain cartoon character you might know.
Lastly, he's extremely cocky. Every interview Ive seen with him, he's touting himself or his team. When I look at him, I keep referring to the classic T.O. quote, "I love me some Me!" His team is a very, very good team, but he is about the fourth or fifth best player on his team, and he needs to start realizing that fact. What I'm really hoping is that, when that time comes around to see how much better the players in the NBA are then the jokes that hes been playing against in college, he will finally come back down to where the rest of us reside on Earth.

But alas, despite all the things that I have just laid out, some desperate Lottery team will draft him because of his "Potential." Some team will just have finished a terrible season and have the need to corral its fan base back in, that they will buy in to all that they have been hearing for the past two years. Some team will try to re-invent the wheel, yet again.... and be disappointed, yet again...

Funny. This team bears a striking resemblance to my favorite squad. And that makes me sad.

Will What Happened in Vegas, Stay in Vegas??

This past weekend the NBA held its annual All Star Weekend.. One different theme from this weekend was that the game was held in none other than the gambling mecca of the world, Las Vegas. This marked the first time in which a city that didn't host an NBA team, hosted its mid season All Star game. The always eclectic and extravagant city had a little bit extra boost this weekend from all the star power that arrived to see the best players in the world put on their usual no defense, dunking exhibition. Every one from Jay-Z to Puff Daddy, Wayne Newton, to David Hasslehoff were there. And you know that when David Hasslehoff shows up, it must be a big deal!
The weekend pretty much played out as it usually does. Black guy wins race. White guy wins shooting contest. Black guy wins dunking contest. Same old song and dance from years past. The major difference from this weekend to me, was the excitement of the Vegas community to have pro sports in their fine city, if only for a weekend. Big signs were hung from sides of enormous casinos. Lady Liberty at New York, New York Casino and Hotel donned a massive Dwight Howard #12 All Star Jersey. Even the mayor was out campaigning, although this time he wasn't trying to win an election, but instead showing off all his fabulous city has to offer.
With all this excitement surrounding a rather meaningless game, one has to wonder.. Why isn't there even one pro sports team that calls Las Vegas home? Las Vegas gets roughly 40 million tourists a year. Add that to the 2 million or so people that live there, and you have, in theory, one of the larger cities in the States. With teams all around the United States clamoring over how to afford a new stadium and teams going bankrupt because their city cant, or chooses not to, support the local club, why not VEGAS!? A city that already has a plot set aside by that very same mayor to build a stadium should a team arrive. A city that could easily build a privately funded, state of the art, stadium. A city that got decked out for an EXHIBITION game...
The one glaring reason why no league has chosen to put a pro franchise in Las Vegas is simple.. As stated earlier, IT IS the gambling mecca of the world. Sports has such a phobia of gambling desecrating the purity of their sport, that they are all afraid to even give Vegas a chance. I think these leagues are missing the point. Gambling is everywhere! People gamble over everything. If people want to gamble on something, anything, they can find the means to do so. Hell, there are web sites that even allow you to bet on who will win Best Supporting Actress at the Oscars or Who will be our next President. If people were going to cheat at gambling in the NBA or NFL, it would have happened already. If people had that little dignity to throw a game because they could win large heaps of cash, point shaving would be rampant by now.
The point is, from Minnesota, I can bet on the Los Angeles Lakers. I can bet on any team while sitting at home in my skivvys. Having a pro team is Las Vegas would be no different from having a sports team anywhere else in the US, except the fact that there would now be pro sports in a city desperately longing for it.
Maybe a solution for all those opposed would be a ban on wagers involving the Home team. It may be a bit hypocritical but if thats what it takes for that city to have a sports franchise, then so be it.
Think about this.. now besides all the glitz, glamor, and excitement that Las Vegas has to offer, they would also have a major sports team to root for. Going to games would be an experience... like how its supposed to be. A entire city built for entertainment would have another chip in the big game.
This weekend was definitely the time to be in Vegas to watch the NBA showcase its best and brightest young stars. Just think if it were like that every week for 8 months out of every year.
Intriguing, I'd say..

And introducing your new Golden Gopher head coach...

So for as long as I can remember, us Minnesota Golden Gopher basketball fans have had one.. count 'em, one year to get excited about our favorite squad.. Even that year though, supposedly doesn't even exist anymore because a couple of big dumb kids couldn't write their own papers. We have had some good talent come in here recently, only to have said talented players leave after one year for greener pastures. Our team has been a complete joke since that wonderful year of 1997. I have actually gone as far as to turn down free tickets to Gophers' games on certain occasions unless they are playing someone worth watching. I don't understand why our program cannot free itself from the doldrums of the bottom half of the Big Ten Conference. We have a historic arena. We have fans that long to see a good team and will back them every step of the way. We have tradition that rivals most Big Ten schools. So what has gone wrong here over the past 8-9 years? Ah yes, the answer is simple. Dan, freakin, Monson! We thought he would never leave and just go on collecting that big check knowing damn well he hasn't come close to earning it. But, in a shocking turn of events, Monson resigned and that ruckus cheer you heard was the entire state of Minnesota.
But now what??
We still don't have a head coach... Sure, we have something called Jim Molanari as a lame duck coach but lets be honest... I have as much of a chance as he does of being the head coach next season. I have a solution that will help bring Minnesota Gophers basketball back to at least respectability, if not prominence. I have single-handedly broken down hours of film and stats and here's what Ive come up with...
Hire Trent Tucker!!
How could you not choose Double T?! A former NBA player who starred for the Gophers back in the day. Here are a few of my reasons if you have a
hard time agreeing with that decision:
1.) Anyone who has the moniker "Tha Professor of Hoopology" has to have extensive basketball knowledge. A true X's and O's guy, Trent would be the solution we need to create the fun and extremely efficient team that we all covet.
2.) He knows what it takes to win! He knows what it takes to be a champion. Having played with and against long time friend, Michael Jordan, for many years, he has seen how hard you need to work to be THAT good. He also won an NBA Championship with the Bulls in 1993. I've heard he also does well at his Celebrity Golf and Poker Tournaments, held annually. (Actually, I don't have any idea about how he does, but it supports my point...)
3.) HE WANTS TO BE THE COACH OF THE TEAM!! He has said numerous times publicly that he would be very interested if the Gophers came asking. He even went back to school recently and finished his degree, something that is required to be a coach at the college level.

I did weigh other options in making my decision. I thought about possible candidates such as former Utah basketball coach, Rick Majerus and former UCLA basketball coach Steve Lavin. I eliminated Majerus based on the fact that I know he likes to go to Cosetta's for Italian food and with his health issues, I don't know if he would last even a year before he kicks the bucket. As for Steve Lavin, I don't think the state of Minnesota would be able to come up with close to enough hair gel to satisfy his needs. So thats out of the question as well...
I know that Trent Tucker may sound slow and stupid, but hes quite the contrary. Hes a very smart individual would could really do some good with this program. Although, no one would have the slightest clue and how effective he would be on the recruiting trail, I'm willing to roll with him any day of the week.
Think of it this way, just imagine being courtside at a Gophers game and hearing, "LM to ST for the 2-handed Throwdown!" (Lawrence Mckenzie/ Spencer Tollackson)... That alone is music to my ears!

Hey look at me! Im gay.. now please buy my hardcover book for 20 bucks

So this is sort of a week old story, but hey I just started this blog yesterday and I wanted to comment on it. John Amaechi, a former journeyman in the NBA admitted that he was gay in a news interview last week. To my knowledge, John is the first NBA player to come out of the closet and say it publicly. Amaechi claimed that while playing for the Utah Jazz, his coach, Jerry Sloan and/or owner found out his "secret" and decided to trade him. Although he just came out, anyone who had eyes could tell that he was gay.. I mean look at the guy.. but in all seriousness, it takes seeing things like this to realize how far our society HASN'T come yet. In an era where we are supposed to be more accepting of everything from different races, religions, points of view, and yes, sexual orientation, this just proves how "caveman" like some people still are. Saying that, I don't doubt that Jerry Sloan was born sometime at the end of the stone age.. That anyone would ever trade a serviceable NBA big man, which us Timberwolves fans will tell you, is VERY hard to find, just because he likes dudes is just ridiculous. I have never had a problem with homosexuals since I was old enough to have a decent opinion of people. I think every person in the world likes different things and different people and personally, I will always be accepting towards that choice of lifestyle.
The only problem I have with this certain gay man is the timing of his announcement. His newsworthy admittance came, coincidently, at the same time he was releasing his book. Hmmm, curious timing I would say. I understand that it must have been hard to come out when you were in the league, especially if you already supposedly got traded from one team for being gay. I understand if you were still contemplating it a couple months after you had left the league. What I cant understand though, is if you have wanted to come out for so long, and if you wanted to help other active NBA players feel comfortable with the idea that some of their fellow players, might be (gasp!) gay, then why come out now? Why discredited this big announcement by coinciding it with the release of your book? I have a problem with that.
This is also not the first time that a former athlete has come out in the media. Esera Tuaolo, a former NFL athlete and Minnesota Viking, admitted that he was gay on HBO's Real Sports. This announcement also happen to come out around the same time he came out with his book.
I'm don't think I'm being naive here and saying that its easy for an athlete at any level to come out to everyone. Both of these men recalled hearing numerous gay jokes and anti-homosexual remarks in the locker rooms. I know that it would be extremely difficult to admit being gay in professional sports, where players are supposedly to be the epitome of what a "man" is supposed to be like. I just wish I would see someone come out just because he felt like it, not to sell things. I'm waiting for that day because then I will look at that person and say, finally! But alas, with the nature of how things are still perceived by some, we will probably never get to that point, so theres no reason to hold your breathe.

30 Years of Sports..

So last night, Im watching Sportscenter and they are broadcasting their 30, 000th show, which in itself is amazing now-a-days, but they are breaking down the different eras of highlights and sports. What I found interesting, is what amazing sports events I have seen in my relatively short life so far....
In 24 years, Ive seen the greatest Golfer ever, the greatest Basketball player ever, and the greatest Hockey player ever. And I mean EVER. I dont think we will see dominance like that for as long as I live. Ive seen a young, black golfer dominate the field in a historically prejudice and racist Augusta National. Only to have that same golfer continue to lap the field year after year at a record pace. Ive seen a person with such perseverance to play for 21 straight seasons without missing one game. Not sick. Not suspended. Not injured. Not "resting", ala Barry Bonds. Ive seen an NBA player be so dominant and charismatic that he transformed the entire way basketball was thought of and played throughout the world. Ive also seen that player lead his team to the pinnacle of his sport three straight years, take a year off, and lead them right back there three more straight years like he never stopped. All this not to mention that we are now witnesses to perhaps the greatest Tennis Player ever in Roger Federer.
One person I have always wanted to see and will never get the chance to is Mohammad Ali. Ive only heard, read, and seen highlights of him boxing. From afar though, I have always admired him for standing up for what he thought was right, even though it made him lose his boxing license. He seemed to be admired by all who saw him, not only with his dominance but the way he carried himself with such bravado and confidence.

One thing is for sure though. The reason that I watch sports and love sports is the same reason I will always come back for more. To see that next big thing. The next Greatest of all time... Could it be Lebron? Dwade? Sidney? Ndudi Ebi?.... wait a second.

Sports pulls at our heart strings like nothing else out there. We all have our favorite teams, clubs, sports, and players. And thats the thing that makes it great for us fans. We can banter back and forth about who is right and who is the best and who overdosed and who didnt, but theres one thing that we should all be aware of.. we all win with sports. We are all witnesses to something special.